What are YOU looking at?!?!?!

In the work that I do, and in my life, I often see people who seek me out for assistance in managing their lives, their emotions, their pain and behavior. Fairly often, as we talk about what is going on, how it began, where the roots are, I come to the realization that in addition to whatever role they are playing in our interaction, they are often holding up a mirror, that I might take a look in that mirror in relation to my own life.

It is a concept that I've been aware of, and have worked with for a very long time! I don't remember now, who first explained it to me as; "the things that bother you the most about other people, are the same things that bother you about yourself." I've found that to be troublingly accurate, time and again.

Combine that with long held beliefs that: 1. We either learn how to, or how not to do things from the people in our lives. 2. That everyone is doing about as well as they can in any situation, given where they are in their own lives. 3. That these interactions can be a part of the "Sacred Contracts" (see Carolyn Myss' book) that we've formed with people in our lives, and it has provided me with some thought provoking, outlook changing guidance for my life.

Yesterday, I was asked to do a hypnosis session for a dear friend, who has experienced some chronic pain from a autoimmune situation. She was having a particularly challenging time with it, so we did some work.

As we were talking, I was reminded of a session from Sheila Granger's Hypnosis Growth Club that I'm a member of. Where the individual doing the training talked about the difference between hating your pain, and loving it, accepting it, releasing it.

My friend and i were talking about the situation, and I was reminded about everything I've mentioned above. It was a lightening bolt moment in terms of the direction I needed/wanted to take with the hypnosis session we were about to start.

Let me backtrack for a moment. I remember a decade ago, having a conversation with my son about my life. Who I was, where I was, what I was doing. All the normal stuff of middle age. As we talked, I said something like: "I've got no hard feelings for any one, or any situation in my life. Because I've come to realize that every painful step, every hard lesson, every broken heart has contributed to create the man that I am. Had I not had each and every one of those experiences, I would necessarily BE someone other than who I am, or would be SOMEPLACE other than where I am." Despite my enormous pile of human frailties, and my desire to get better-and-better, I'm happy with the man I've become, and overall with the life I am living.

To get to a place where I could be grateful for those who broke my heart, were heavy handed, physically and emotionally abusive... because those experiences helped me to grow, to become stronger, to realize what I would and would not tolerate from others, or from myself was transformational.

Applying those same sorts of ideas to the matter at hand, proved to be powerful for my friend. Under hypnosis, I asked her to embrace the pain, the limitations. To look with eyes of gratitude for the lessons she had been taught about herself in the daily facing of that which she REALLY wished to leave behind.
At one moment, I encouraged her to have a conversation with the disorder, with the pain... to tell them how she felt. The gratitude for being taught that she was stronger and more powerful than the pain or the disorder. That she learned that when she found herself walking through hell, it was best to keep putting one foot in front of the other no matter what.

Then, we did some work with light and color circulating through her body, re-igniting the Divine design, returning every cell, every nerve to the factory original setting. As that color beam left her body, I encouraged her to visualize the brick wall that she had co-created, that stood between where she was, and the life she KNEW she was here to live, the life that she had envisioned. Each brick was inscribed with a word or phrase that in some what had been programmed into her belief of who she was, and what she was capable of. Some of the bricks she inscribed, others were contributed by well meaning family/teachers/ministers and others. That powerful beam of color vaporized the bricks, one by one until the wall was a crumbled mass of rubble.

I asked her to step over that rubble into the life that she has imagined. KNOWING that she was ready, deserving, and totally in alignment with all that goodness.

There was quite a bit more to the process, but it involves concepts and conversations she and I had shared that would likely not translate to this writing.

When we were done, she was feeling really good. I heard from her later that it truly had shifted some powerful things for her, and I know her well enough to know that she will take the concepts and tools we used, and continue to work with them, for her own continued healing, but also with her clients to help them make some powerful changes.

Given that I can be a thinker (sometimes OVER thinker), I spent some time after this session, taking a look at myself. Really, it is a continuation of some ongoing work and process that began late and 2020 (I'm guessing). Who are the people that I still need to forgive (more)? What are the pains I need to look at for blessings and lessons? What additional healing/letting go/allowing would be good for me?

What about you?

Close calls, near misses, and time bombs....

I've held off over the last months from writing anything here.  In part, the normal, "What do I have to say that anyone wants to hear?", but more than that it's been a time of sorting out lots of stuff in my life. 

I believe progress has been made.. but there is certainly more to do.The daily headlines are all about disease, death, political bullshit from every direction, a crashing economy and the unseemliness that those on the right and those on the left have lost any ability they might have had to work together for the common good, the best interest of the PEOPLE of the world (defined by beating hearts within).

But that's all the virus (or anti-virus) that is running in the background while all else is going on.I am not aware of anyone in my circle who has been directly impacted by the Covid-19 virus, except in the areas economic impact and disruption of normal life, I am grateful for that!

My inbox and Facebook feed though, all too often has news of someone in my circle who is doing battle, winning a battle, or approaching their exit as the opponent is winning.

Today, I heard of the passing of a colleague, a long-time Realtor that I served on the Board of Directors of the Grand Rapids Association of Realtors with, a decade ago.  She was a highly professional, intelligent, insightful, funny, delightful human.Over the last few weeks, I've come to know that an incredible gentleman, with whom I served as an Elder at church is undergoing chemo.

Two additional dear friends had major successful surgeries to remove parts of their original equipment that had become cancerous.  Both of them got great news post-surgery and are likely to enjoy life, post cancer.  That is the image I will continue to hold for them!

My father, who is in his early 90's is apparently showing signs that his exit ramp is coming up before long. One of the people I hold dearest in my heart, a woman who has been my friend for nearly 31-years, a woman I have laughed with, cried with, drank wonderful martinis and wine with, and shared sumptuous food with with is nearing the end of her remarkable life.

With her, the conversations would pick up where we left off, regardless of the passage of time.  The ease in each other's company has always been remarkable.  The depth of conversation unlike any other I've enjoyed in this lifetime.

For me, she was one of the people who could see things in me, that I was unable to see, and loved me enough to call bullshit when that was in order, would hold up a mirror and make me look at it... while lifting me up, encouraging me and showing me a powerful, accurate view of myself.

The current pandemic has made it impossible for me to visit her, to share space and moments together before her life slips away. 

There is a part of me who could feel a little cheated for having those moments taken from me.  There is another part of me that realizes that having me sitting by her bed, crying, might not be what is best for her.  And maybe more importantly, perhaps it's more important for me to hold close in my heart the treasure chest of amazing memories of the times we've shared, rather than witnessing her as her body wastes away, as her incredible mind becomes cloudy.

Lord knows, that for as long as I am blessed to live, there will be moments where her laugh, her wisdom will pop up to remind me of how blessed we were to have the friendship we've enjoyed.   There will be pieces of music that will transport me back in time to treasured memories.She is a one-in-a-million friend.  The differences in our lives would seem to make us unlikely to become such dear friends, and yet we did. But the cool thing... is that I know when she breathes her last breath in this life, it will not be the end of our friendship or our interaction. 

I KNOW that there were several nights, when I was in Florida earlier in 2020 that she visited me.  We had more of those incredible conversations that have defined our friendship.  We were able to express feelings that maybe, in human from, right out loud, would have been difficult to say.While I won't know until it happens (or doesn't), I have a VERY strong belief and feeling that my beautiful friend will pay me a visit from the other side, a visit where I will be able to feel her presence, will be able to have conversations with her, and will actually SEE her.When the day comes, that it is time for me to leave my physical body, I believe and hope that she will be in the 1st circle of loved ones to greet me as I move to the other side.

UPDATE 4/27/2020:I started writing this a week or so ago.  Uncertain if I would ever hit the "Publish" button. However, yesterday afternoon, I received word that my dear friend had completed her journey.  A little while later, I felt her presence beside me, and a light kiss on the cheek. Like nothing I've ever experienced before. So blessed to have know her!

The "stuff" we were taught by well meaning adults that we get to re-evaluate and purge as needed.

Nearly every hypnosis client I've seen over the years has to one degree or another, come with a set of erroneous beliefs or  programming that was installed by parents, teachers, ministers, friends, extended family and some was even self-installed.

But in one way or another, left in the original form, without evaluation, updating or removal, much of it has outlived the useful purpose that was intended by well-meaning people who truly believed that it was information or beliefs needed to become a good, upstanding, productive member of society.

I am a very firm believer that almost without exception a person, regardless of the situation they grew up in, can, over time overcome nearly any damage done.  But of course, in order for there to be change, there has to be change.In my own life, whether it was the message being sent, or just the message I received (recognizing that they can be completely different),

l arrived with some core beliefs that even today, are somewhat challenging for me. As I sit on the balcony, overlooking the Atlantic, typing, I'm driven to 'be productive'.  Never mind that I'm 66-years old and am on a 2-month snowbird vacation.  I have a NEED to be productive. 

I KNOW that it is about the false notion that if I am not engaged in productive activity, I have no value.  If I kick back and relax for more than a few minutes, I'm LAZY.    Beyond that there has been another voice in my ear for as long as I remember that no matter what I do, it's not good enough, or perhaps more broadly, it is not enough, therefore, I am not enough.

Take that a little further out, and it becomes "If I am a very good boy (man), I will be loved."  If I am not feeling particularly loved, it then MUST mean, that I a not a very good boy.

Then, because that doesn't make me twitch quite enough, mix in the idea that Food = Love. I've had more than a few clients who in one way or another, got to the point where they wanted a food intervention, because for people in their lives, Food = Love, and to not clean up your plate, not have 2nd (or 3rds) was a rejection of the cook's love.

When that concept first showed up a couple of years ago, it was a great surprise to the client, when he became aware of it, and the impact it had on his life.  But it was also one that (as it often does), made me make a mental note to double back and see how it fit in MY life.

Turns out it fit me to a T....Interestingly, it's a concept that cuts both ways.  By that, I mean that wonderful, well prepared food and the experience of enjoying it in good company with great conversation and much laughter, puts me in a place where I feel loved, even worthy. But in those moments where I am not feeling particularly loved, I find that food has become the filler I used to fill up that hole within myself.It's sort of a fat if I do, fat if I don't proposition.

Does any of this ring true in one form or another in your life?  Or perhaps a better question might be, what are the programs and beliefs that you carry about yourself that no longer serve the person you are, or are striving to become?  And.... what can you do to uninstall or delete those programs and move into a space where you're living more as the best version of you?

While it's still a concept I'm wrestling with, I believe that I'm going to set an intention that day-by-day, I will establish some boundaries on how much of my day is spent on 'work', and dramatically increase the amount of time that I am enjoying the ocean being so ocean like, allowing myself to do whatever I'm moved to do (Including nothing)... and disconnect from the need to be busy.

Perhaps in that process I will find my way to loving myself, for being myself, regardless.  Hopefully, when that hole is filled with love, it won't require so many hummus dipped chips and cookies.I'd love to hear your thoughts.  And, if there is a way, that I might help you with your process, please be in contact.I encourage you to subscribe to my blog, so that you'll receive notification when I sit down and pound some new thoughts into my keyboard.Blessings!  

An awareness that floated in and rocked my world....

On Thursday, I was talking with a Lifestyle Engineer client. It was her 2nd appointment where we were working to eliminate a long-standing, paralyzing fear of riding in a vehicle that had someone other than her at the wheel.The 1st session had produced some powerful results, and seemingly allowed some additional things to surface that needed some discussion and possible future intervention.The conversation, as many conversations do, came around to weight, diets, control, frustration... and the core programming that so many of us received to one degree or another around food.It's apparent to me that for many people, eating as not about satisfying a physical hunger and provide nourishment to the body.  It's is often about healing boo-boos of life.Many moms raised their kids with the notion that if they cleaned up their plate, they'd be a big boy (or girl), and then rewarded the clean plate with dessert.  (How could that possibly create an undesirable outcome?!?!?) . Then, if we fell off our bike or had some sort of heartbreak... a piece of cake, or bowl of ice cream would be the salve that would heal that, make the pain go away. (again, how could that possibly go wrong?!?!?!)But over the years in working with clients, especially with the Virtual Gastric Band for weight loss, I've come to understand that for many mothers, food is one of their love languages.It's that nurturing, I'll make it all better action based in love.  I've never believed that there was intention to do damage, or create obese children or adults.Until yesterday, that's as deeply as I looked at that.  It was programming that could be re-programmed.  Any damage that was done, could, for the most part, be overcome.But as we were talking about food as a love language, a new realization slapped me right in the forehead.Those who know me know that I've spent a good portion of my life carrying more weight that I would prefer to carry.  I've been up and down.  I did the Virtual Gastric Band and got outstanding results, until I allowed myself to stop paying attention.  After that, my attitude was more of a "who cares'... and there was not the desire or motivation to do what I KNEW beyond any doubt, would put me back in a slimmer, trimmer, healthier body.So yesterday... as my client and I were talking... about food, how it is a love language, it became painfully obvious to me, that at least in my case, there is a connection between how loved I feel, and what I feed my body.Of course, how loved I feel is not necessarily connected to how loved I am.  Perceptions are not always 100% accurate.  And as I type this, it occurs to me that the feeling of lack of love, could be a wholly interior problem.  That for whatever reason, I come to points where I don't appreciate and love myself, so.... because good food equals love... I shovel it in.... gain weight...love myself less.... rinse and repeat.So, I'll be spending some time in the days ahead, looking at these ideas and the,  potential impact they are having on my life, and some processes that will help me change that around.Then another fun part, will be looking at ways I can add that re-defining love into the weight loss process that has helped so many clients redefine their relationship with eating and with food.If you have thoughts about this, as they relate to your life, feel free to comment here, or if you prefer, send me a private message or e-mail.  I'd truly love to hear from you.

Looking at what my legacy might be.... in the light of a dear man, gone too soon!

Last evening, I saw the startling news that a man I would characterize as a marvelous human being had unexpectedly passed away.  Apparently, he was attending a family gathering at the time of his death.I was shocked!  Saddened!  Sorry that going forward, I won't be able to engage in wonderful, thought provoking conversations with this kind and gentle man.  (At least not in the human sense).One of the things about social media, is that it allows for photos and memories to be shared widely.  There have been many lovely tributes written by mutual friends.  The outpouring of support and sadness has been huge.As I read the tributes being shared, and remember the very limited time I spent in his company, it was clear that he was more remarkable than I'd known.  That his presence had a powerful and wonderful impact on the lives that his life touched.  Just in my circle, I know that there are many who will have tears in their eyes, but also a warmth in their heart as they replay the highlight reel of the time they spent together.Being one to not let a call for self-reflection go unanswered, I started to think about how I might be remembered upon my eventual death. (Hopefully a very long time from now) While I can probably never know for sure, I certainly hope that I'll be remembered kindly as a man who was reliable, honest, caring, gentle, funny and more.But as I reflect on what I see in the mirror, not surprisingly, I can see ways that I fall more than a little short in living as the man I hope I am, and want to be.So...for the next little while, there will be some time spent in assessing the ways I want my interaction with those I love, those I know, even those I've never met to be kinder, more gentle, more genuine.Because, despite the fact that like everyone else walking around on legs, I believe we do the absolute best we know how to do, from the place we are in the moment.  When we know more, when we know better, it is incumbent on us to then DO better.I cannot know if in his life, my friend struggled with such things, or if his kindness, his gentleness, his love of life and the people around him was just naturally him.  But it really doesn't matter.  The end result was a very good man.  He worked hard, he played hard, he laughed easily and often.  He left a mark.  And with his passing, he left a hole in a lot of hearts and lives.Over the years, I have believed and said that I think the world would be much better if we had much more Mr. Fred Rogers.  I will now add a name to that thought... Dr. Kevin Flood.I hope that as those who knew him reflect on his impact on their life, and as others who know people who were close to him see the great love he gave and received, that we will each take a look in the mirror to see if we're living up to our potential.  Striving for maximum kindness and gentleness.  Savoring each person in our lives.  Living each minute we are given, not knowing which minute will be our last. 

Why does this bother me so much?

As often happens, I was talking with a dear friend the other day.  She and I have some of the best conversations, about things that are important to us.Like me, she has a hypnosis practice, and is helping people to make big and important changes in their lives.Also, like me, her perception of herself and the demons that she still wrestles with, while showing remarkable progress, year over year, are by no means gone.  So we're having conversations centered on lifting each other up, reminding each other (and in the process, ourselves), of what we know, our understanding of how life ideally works and ways that we can show up more authentically in our lives.For a very long time, my belief has been, that the things that annoy, anger, or frustrate me about others, are often the same things that annoy, anger or frustrate me about myself!   It is easier though, to see those characteristics (or faults) when looking outward.  But the whole idea of each person we encounter serving as a mirror, for us to see ourselves is one that has been helpful, and on occasion troubling.For those who know me, it won't be a surprise that there are aspects of what is going on in our country and world, that I find incredibly troubling.  INCREDIBLY TROUBLING!I watch and read a wide variety of domestic and international news reports, limit my television news, and am always mindful that pure news, without spin or some bias is fairly rare today.  (That said, I would not subscribe to the notion that all news (except perhaps one 'news' outlet) is FAKE NEWS).But it is an ongoing challenge to stay informed enough to satisfy my need to know and understand, but to attempt to fly a bit above it, so that I'm not in a constant state of crazy rage.   It does seem that there could be more than enough of that, in many places you look!But as my friend and I were talking yesterday, she suggested that I look at these types of situations with the following question.

WHY DOES THIS BOTHER ME SO MUCH?!?!?

Almost instantly,  I knew that the situation we were discussing bothered me so much because it took me back to a variety of people and situations where there were bullies, people who were never wrong, or for whom their way was the only way... even if there were potentially smarter/better ways.  Situations that still have a tender spot apparently.With that awareness, I found some relief, though not total relief.  Because my past experience has me convinced that when old people/situations poke their head up to say "Howdy!", it's often a sign that in spite of the fact that I believed that the processing, forgiving, elimination was complete in a given area, there must be some additional work or awareness being called for.I always have the option to ignore those tugs toward deeper work.  But again, in the past, choosing to ignore has not lead to outcomes that I found pleasant.Now, as I feel anger or any strong emotion welling up, I'm starting to ask myself;  "Why does this bother me so much?"  Then following the information to where it leads.Join me? 

What if it didn't take a tragedy for us to stop... breathe... and bring ourselves back to what is truly important?

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I believe that like many others around the world, my heart ached and I felt gutted as I watched the coverage of the Cathedral of Notre Dame on fire.  While it was a totally different tragedy, caused by human error (at least that's how it appears at this moment), rather than the horrific intentional acts of terrorists.  I cannot remember that sort of gut punch feeling since the World Trade Centers came down.As I said, they are not comparable in most ways.  Approximately 3000 lives were lost on 9/11.  Thankfully no lives were lost in the fire.All that aside, the process of watching such an incredible structure burn and watching the grief and sadness on the faces of the onlookers made me wonder.  Could this be a defining moment for our world?In the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks, everything stopped.  For a minute, the world was united in grief.  Shocked at what had happened.  But committed to show support to do what could be done.  Unity!  People of differing viewpoints set them aside and were united.It was quite a powerful, beautiful and (sadly) rare thing to witness.There is much in our world that is deeply troubling.  The polarization even within families is heartbreaking.  The ability to respectfully discuss, to agree to disagree, without burning the other down, seems to be on the decline.  Even, or perhaps most notably within the halls of governments around the globe.What if as we catch our breath after watching so much history on fire, we paused for a moment to give thanks that despite all that was lost, there is much to be thankful for.  That it was not a total loss, that no one was killed, that it was not a terrorist act... and the list goes on.What if we looked around and saw that almost universally, regardless of nationality, of religion, of color, or any of the other arbitrary factors that are used to divide and diminish, the people of the world were saddened yesterday.  UNIFIED in their sadness, if only for a moment.It makes me wonder what would happen if one-by-one we chose to not pick up the disagreeable demeanor, the seeming need to find outrage, the polarization that plagues so many aspects of our current world, and instead, chose to feed the unity that we feel in moments of horrific loss.I wonder what we could create if we focused on the things that are good and decent.  If we demanded collaboration.  If we remembered that we have the right to hold ourselves to whatever standard we want, but do not have the right to install our standard on the world at large.  EVEN if we hold it as incontrovertible truth.If I'm being honest, and I certainly try to be.  I am to the bone weary of the discord, the anger, the insanity that seems to be spreading.While I certainly know that it is not my job to change any other person (except those who come to me and pay me to help them in my business :) ) I MUST do what I can to remove myself from the marinade of anger, of discord, of harsh judgement.  Perhaps, if I start there, it can have a broader impact.Where are you?  Can you start there, or someplace near there?

Down memory lane... and the kindness shown by others...as we've said goodbye, over and over

When you live, as Beth and I do, with 7 dogs (down from a high of 9), and a barn full of horses, miniature horses, donkeys, goats and llamas (many of them belong to us and are rescue beings, some are boarders), you know it's possible that the circle of life can show up at any time, with little or no notice or warning.This is especially true, given that we believe that each one, deserves a forever home, where they can live all of their days with dignity, great love and care, despite the fact that many of them are essentially fertilizer producing lawn decorations.  Beautiful, powerful beings nonetheless.But they are, without a doubt, all very much family!Most of their day-to-day care, falls to Dan.  He's a foster son who has lived in Beth's home for over 30-years.  He's the keeper of the herd, the tender of the pack.  He and 5 of the dogs, reside in the walkout level of the house.He's wonderful with all of the animals.  I'd guess that he's more than a bit intuitive when it comes to what is going on in their lives.But over the decades that he's been a part of the family, he's said hello, and goodbye to dozens and dozens of beautiful souls who have called Hotel Caledonia home.I've been involved for nearly 7-years as I write this, and after the events of New Year's Day, I was trying to remember the names and faces of each one that has crossed the bridge in that time.From the dog population, we've said goodbye to Maggie, Gracie, Jake and Toby.There was Billy Joe, a pigmy goat, the blonde and the chocolate colored full sized goats, Baaaaby the sheep, Oinkette, a pot-bellied pig, and horses; Moose, Daisy, Sarge, Nina, Santana Red, Seamus, and most recently, Moe.Because of who I am, and the belief system I carry, on those occasions when we have to make the decision to have our vet provide an injected assist, to help them cross the bridge, I will spend time with each one.  Talking to them, assuring them that they are loved and will be missed, that there will be a herd of familiar faces to greet and welcome them on the other side.I'll generally do Reiki on each one, and go stall-to-stall asking each of the barn mates to send their love to their neighbor who is about to depart.I guess it doesn't matter a lot, if I'm doing all that for them, or for me or both.  But I know that the process allows me to feel much more peaceful about the decisions we have to make.Honoring them in this way only seems right.When the time comes, and I lead them out of their stalls, down the aisle, to the quiet place alongside the barn.  The barn is absolutely quiet, there's a sacredness in the space.  Not a peep out of anyone.  Each one, watching in unison as their buddy makes that final walk.Our primary vet just retired recently.  I'll miss him.  He's always so kind, so gentle.  Every time, he explained to me what is about to happen, as if I've not heard it before.  His assistant always asked if I'm sure I want to hold the lead rope and be there.  My answer is always the same.  "I want the last face they see to be the face of someone they know, a face that reflects the love and honor we have for them."Then it is done.Almost always, I get a sense of gratitude that we've recognized that it is time.  Not too soon, not too late.... and that they are ok.  Then, as life leaves, I see them romping in a heavenly pasture with long time friends they've not seen in ages.Each one living or not, leaves a mark on my heart.  Each one, so individual in personality and the way they interact.  Saying goodbye always makes my eyes leak.  There is sadness that they will not be a part of day-to-day life,   that I won't be able to talk to them, rub their ears, feed them some treats and wonder at their beauty, power and wisdom.But there is more!  Because we are a 'forever' home, there is recognition of the honor it has been to be 'their humans'... to have them as a part of our family.   To be able to provide them a safe, stable, well-cared for life.  Some come in with scars of many kinds.  But after a time, with Dan there, every day taking care of their needs and treating them with dignity and respect, they learn to trust again.I am not always sure why I'm nudged to write any of these blog posts.  The roots of this one are from events of New Year's Eve and New Years Day.    Moe, the senior member of the barn family developed some problems. After consulting with our Vet, and monitoring his symptoms, he had to be put down the next day.On New Years Eve I debated posting his photo and what was happening on my Facebook wall.  I knew that some of my online friends had met Moe.  Others are energy workers who would throw their energy into the best possible outcome.  Still others, would send up a prayer.But I'm always hesitant to post these sorts of things, for fear that others will think that my motivation is less than pure, or seeking sympathy, or whatever it is people think.But in the end, I posted, then after Moe passed, I posted an update.The responses were lovely, heartfelt, ongoing.   That touched me deeply.  That on a busy holiday, people would take time to send up a prayer, type words of encouragement or sympathy.  Frankly, that they cared at all was inspiring.So now, I'm nearing the end of this writing, still wondering exactly why I need to write it.   Realizing that it might not matter why.  Perhaps it's just me ALLOWING myself to put my stories out there with the hope that there is something that I write that can shine a light on a situation for someone who reads it.Or maybe, it is all about me.  That I need to ponder all of this, put it into some sort of readable form, so that I can remember and honor again, the wonderful lives that have been entrusted to us, and the memories of these beautiful creatures.Perhaps it serves as a reminder for me to honor each human creature I encounter, regardless of whether they are powerful and beautiful or broken and struggling.  If I can afford that love and courtesy to 4-legged people in the barn, that only seems right, right?I have no delusion that should I approach every person and being in this way, that it will spread and become the norm.  That we'll start walking more kindly and gently alongside each other, but I can hope, can't I?One last memory as I end this piece.  A couple of years ago, we had two older horses who were reaching the finish line at the same time.  It seemed fitting, as they had begun their lives in Beth's barn many years ago.  They were Sarge and Nina.  Boyfriend and girlfriend, though Sarge considered himself a bit of a ladies man.  Each time a new mare joined the family, Sarge would leave Nina to make a play.  When that didn't work, Nina would be there waiting for him to return.As Sarge developed trouble with balance and mobility, Nina was literally at his side.  Supporting him, and I imagine encouraging him.When I was working with them/talking to them in preparation for their departure, I got the strong sense that Sarge needed to go first.  That Nina had taken a vow to support him and be there for him until the end, and if we attempted to do ladies first, she would really put up a fight.As I got into my Jeep afterward to drive back to the house... as soon as the radio started.. the opening notes of the Rolling Stones "Wild Horses" began.   I'd been holding myself together with a thin string that immediately snapped.Now, when I hear that song, I have faces and names to go with the Wild Horses they sing about.  

Lessons, Tuition, Knowing, Trusting

It is not lost on me, that I'm pretty lucky (some might say blessed, but that's a word that I think is a touch overused).  But I've got a loving and lovely wife, I'm close with my kids and really enjoy the adults they've become.  There's a barn and house full of animals that are beautiful, insightful and interesting, work that lights up my heart and so very much more.One of the many luxuries of my current life, is that I have (and take) time to ruminate over what's going on within me, in my life, in my community, country and world.  I am claiming that as one of the gifts of age.I've reached the point, where I'm much less inclined to run 24/7, trying to get more, more, more.  I'm discovering that less is many times more fulfilling, and certainly less crazy-making.I do believe that SOMETIMES people and situations present to us to hold up a mirror for us to look into, or perhaps to show us a pattern in ourselves that when examined, might generate some desire to change or growthWhile I'm not hyper-focused on 'where's the lesson' in every situation, I do keep an eye out for them as a general awareness sort of thing.As the frosty morning greeted me today, I remembered that we're very much in the home stretch of 2018.  On the overall, it's been a really good year for me.  Personally, professionally, health wise, progress on improvements at home, at the office.  I picked up a son-in-law, and he came with his 4-kids who are 'grandkids' (though I'm not sure I'd know exactly the title they'd have.... so grandkids works for me.)  :)Each year has brought new people into my world, and generally some others who have exited for one reason or another (or for no known reason).  This year was no different in that respect.In my various activities and events, I've connected (and re-connected) with some truly remarkable people.  It will be fun over the next months and years to explore those associations and friendships, knowing that there is much good to give and receive in each.As for the exits in 2018, it was a fairly quiet year in terms of grim reaper visits to Hotel Caledonia.  We're home to a slightly elderly population, so we know that those visits can happen at any time.  I guess the primary difference for us, is that we have 30+ souls under our care, so the odds are higher than most households for such an exit.Some other changes left one degree or another in disappointment, but no lasting wounds or scars. Perhaps I'll be a bit more discerning when drawing an inner circle, I will definitely be quicker to trust, when I sense a red flag being waved, and if/when situations call for an intervention, confrontation, or just pulling the plug, I will be quicker to act.I will, however, strive for kindness in all situations, knowing that I sometimes fail miserably in that area.They did provide, like so many situations do, a call to look at the events, look at the people and situations to assess how they played out.   To assess what might have been different, what could have been handled differently, and of course to grieve the irreversible end of relationships that were at one time important.Like a lot of other times in my life, there was great confirmation that I had read things accurately, and made a decision (time and time again) to ignore the data in front of me, holding out hope that I was mistaken, to be shown that I was not.  Or, quite possibly . to extend grace, even when it wasn't called for.The tuition on some of those courses was quite high.  The outcomes made me question whether there was even an ounce of sincerity in anything that was said and done.  The answer I have arrived at is that there was very little that wasn't calculated or about establishing and maintaining control.To be provided with such powerful confirmation that I did know what I believed I knew, and to be pushed by the situations to not continue a life-long pattern of rolling over and playing dead in order to avoid confrontation are both good things.There is nothing I can do to save others a similar outcome.  Despite being someone who has always wanted to help, to fix to heal things... there is a long list of things that are not in my job description.  This is one of those things.I can only hope that others, if they find themselves with nagging questions and doubts will be quicker to honor what they know.The rest, I suppose is a score that Karma might settle.

Where has the time gone??!!?!?!? Some reflections as I start my 65th birthday week.

   https://youtu.be/hQw2VWonh0s

Conversations with Friends - Episode II

Here's the 2nd episode of Conversations with Friends.This time, with Donna Stubenvoll of Gaylord Michigan.She's doing some great work.  I hope you enjoy our conversation! https://youtu.be/BZGPO1urdh0

Conversations with Friends- Episode 1

I've started to have some conversations with wonderful friends who are doing great work in one area or another.This is the first Episode of Conversations with Friends, with Shannon Brown Dean from Surf City North Carolina.I've done some Theta Healing sessions with Shannon, and have found them to be incredibly powerful and helpful.I hope you enjoy our conversation.https://youtu.be/kEQhIpA-hT8

The Musical Score that Magically Appears

On my drive to the office today, I was revisiting some parts of my recent life, replaying highlight (and lowlight) reels.  Asking myself some questions.  I was asking for some guidance in some cases, clarity in others, and in still others, the grace to totally forgive, let go, and move on.At one moment, I was in the inventory portion of the process, remembering some people who have formerly been in my life and left one way or another.  I was questioning myself (as I'm prone to), examining my motivations in some cases, feeling a little sad or disappointed in others, and in many cases KNOWING that what was best, had happened.Cue the music to accompany this part.... The James Gang- WALK AWAY... I laughed right out loud.That the perfect song pops up at the perfect moment is not a new thing for me at all, but no matter how often it happens, I'm often a bit surprised.Yesterday, I was talking to a client about the death of her (too-young) dog.  As we talked, I was sharing that because of the 32+ 4-legged people who live at Hotel Caledonia, in the house or the barn, that I'm no stranger to the circle of life coming around all too often.I shared the story of a day, a couple of years ago, that two beautiful horses who had been born in Beth's barn and had lived their entire, and very long lives, under her care, had come to the time when the vet needed to come out and help them across the bridge.When I know that an exit is coming, I will work with each one, do energy work, help to prep them for the process.  It seems to help them be calm and ready. It also helps me feel like I've done something to honor them, and prepare them for their exits.I tend to speak to them in terms of what they might find on the other side.  That old friends, both human and otherwise will likely be there to greet them, and that as they leave their tired, old, broken bodies, that they will be able to once again run and play in the heavenly pastures.It seems as if I've created a bit of a verbal picture of where they are going.With Sarge and Nina, it was two exits back-to-back.  They had been together for their entire lives, and were the barn equivalent of boyfriend/girlfriend.  However, Sarge had a wandering eye, and any new mare who came to the herd, would distract him as he'd make a play.But when his interest was rebuffed, there would stand Nina to forgive him and take him back.She apparently vowed to stand by his side and take care of him until the end.At least that is what I sensed, so I asked the Vet to take Sarge first.  I feared that if we put Nina in a position where she felt she was not being true to that vow, we could have our hands full.It all went off without a hitch.  Our vet is an amazing man.  As we stand there, the sense of kindness and reference is palpable.  He always talks me through the process, and reminds me that there is absolutely no pain, and that each one is gone before their knees buckle and they crumble to the ground.It doesn't make it easy, and I hope that it NEVER becomes easy to say goodbye.  But it makes it tolerable.So when we were done,  with tears threatening to overspill my eyes, I got in my Jeep to head back to the house, and then on to my office.As soon as I turned the key, a new song started on the radio.  One I'd not heard in a very long time.  Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones.  That was all it took.  I was toast... eyes leaking, but with an image of those wild horses that had just been freed from their tired old bodies, galloping across the meadow with old and new friends.I love music!  More and more, I pay attention to what is being presented as the soundtrack to whatever is going on at the moment.  It is often extremely accurate and powerful.I'd love it, if you'd share your experiences and stories about your magical soundtrack in the comment section. 

A hell of a day/week/month

Once again, today was a day with more questions than answers.  About my life, about (some) people who have been or are in my life.  About my value to myself and others.  About whether my desire to be decent and kind and honest has actually turned me into a patsy or a schmuck.While no real answers tapped me on the shoulder, as is often the case, I have reconfirmed a couple of things I've known for a very long time.For me, there's no upside to being a jerk, even in the presence of some who appear to be one.That I'm not the best judge of how I'm doing.  Or perhaps more accurately the impact I have on the world around me.As has been the case other years, two months in Florida at the very least, approaches too long.  The nervous tick appears due to too much inactivity, even though I love the ocean, love having some one-on-one time with my wife with a minimum of distractions, the warm temperatures, and the people.This year though, I was able to stay a bit busier.  Several new clients, the formation of a new Hypnosis Training Company and the start of plans to market training and to present training made the time away a bit easier.But I realized tonight as I looked out over the turbulent Atlantic, that I have some positions in my life that I want to fill.  Because much of my time is working alone, or with a single client at a time, there's a bit of a social interaction void.  So I'm vowing to schedule more luncheons, more meet ups for a cocktail and cigar types of things with friends.Let me know if you'd like to get on the schedule. :)

Balance and the Juiciness of Life

As a result of having a wonderful conversation with my dear friend Brian Relph, some insights and information floated in to challenge me to enjoy my life, the fruits of my labor... getting to the juiciness of life. https://youtu.be/T1lcn2nOKzA

Some concepts that have raised their hands for me to take another look...

The last couple of months have involved the removal of a couple of people from my life.  People who have played a significant role in many aspects of my life.It caused me to take a careful look in the mirror and I was reminded of the whole concept of A REASON, A SEASON or A LIFETIME...Here's a video where I discuss the process. https://youtu.be/d8I0zUClkAc

What led me to the work I currently do...

I've had quite a few people ask me how I came to do the work I do as a Hypnotherapist... I had to go all the way back to the 1970's to find the roots. https://youtu.be/2HuNyH-gQTA

The Power of YOUR Mind

I recently had a couple of interactions with a woman I met on the deck overlooking the ocean.  It was about a deep seated, longstanding fear.  But with some fairly minor changes in her words and thoughts, she had a powerful breakthrough.[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCf7NMgvoF4&w=560&h=315]

The expectations of others... and driving my own bus.

From time to time, things that I've believed that I've 100% dealt with, on all levels, will pop back up,  perhaps just to double-check my convictions of where I believe I am.  Then, as if to try to complicate things just a touch, add in a dash of other people's expectations, and their apparent belief that they know better than me, what I really want and/or need.Earlier in my life, it's highly likely I would have caved. I might have allowed the pressure of others to dictate my actions, but it seems I've moved out of that unhealthy place of living. I'm pretty glad to see that.A touch of background. (Not too much, really).  My father and I have only talked to each other and spent time in each other's presence when it couldn't be avoided since sometime in the mid-1970's.  Prior to that time, it can best be described as a dysfunctional father/son relationship.  And that might be too kind.I am confident that he absolutely did the best that he knew how to do and truly meant no harm.Over the decades, there has been a lot of work completed  on my part, to first get to neutral,  then to do some deep forgiveness work and to get to a place where I could appreciate that he and I had agreed upon the type of relationship we would have when we were in a pure spirit form.It was a game changer for me, when I got to the point that I realized that he loved me enough to be the asshole that he could be, to teach me what I'd asked to be taught.  He actually did teach me a lot of things!  Many of them were more along the lines of things I did not want to be, do, say.  When I had a fatherly quandary with my own children, I would sometimes ask myself "what would Duane do?", and then would likely head in the opposite direction.  That too, seemed to work out well for my kids and me.Now, at 90 years old, he's significantly closer to the end of his life day by day. A while ago, he had what has been cryptically described as 'an episode'.  Not one that required an ambulance or trip to the ER, but one that took him to the doctor the next day. The alarm was sounded in the form of a text.   I felt an interesting peace, and frankly distance from the situation.  For me, PEACE is the goal, so I took that as a good thing.I have spent a fair amount of  time wrestling with the 'when the time comes' scenarios over the last years.  I tend to revisit it every few months, checking in with myself to make sure that when it is his time to leave this life, that I will be ok with my choices, not wracked with guilt.  Yep, time and again, I find that I'm 100% good with where I am.The bottom line for me is that for 40+ years we've had little or no interaction or communication, most often it took place when it could not be avoided.  Given that communication is a 2-way street, I can only assume that lacking any attempt on his part to modify that, he must have been ok with the status quo.What possibly would be gained by an awkward,  approaching the exit ramp visit?   For me, nothing I actually want or need.I walk into this process completely in neutral.  Toward him, toward the alarm sounder.   I'm really happy about that.  Apparently, the old buttons have been re-wired or moved, and that's wonderful.  Each person involved gets to make their own choices on how they will walk through the process.  If they will grieve, how they will grieve.  Certainly anyone can have their own opinion on what another 'should' do, they actually would be well served to keep that opinion to themselves, unless it is requested.One of my goals each day, is to walk gently, to avoid conflict if at all possible, to never look for trouble and to never throw the 1st punch.But when backed into a corner, or when the situation requires a stronger, less peaceful response, I do have everything and anything I could possibly need to respond in a way that leaves no room for misunderstanding my position.  (See, even there, I'm being gentle).A word to the wise.  I am a fully functioning 64 year old human.  If you are not me, you  probably lack a good grasp on who I am, so it stands to reason that you also don't have any real idea what is or is not best for me, or important to me.So if your actions are driven primarily by your apparent need to drive the bus, I'd remind you that I drive my own bus.  I'm sure that in many areas of your life, others allow you to drive their bus.  But be clear, this is not one of those times.

So many metaphors, so little time...

I'm someone who loves clichés, uses metaphors liberally and tries to be very exacting with my words.  I generally have extended grace, assumed the best and given 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances, even when it's likely they were not deserved.I believed that was the 'right' thing to do.  It also allowed me to honor an unspoken vow that had roots (likely) in my childhood... "avoid confrontation at all cost."That last part it turns out, hasn't always served me well, so I've been gradually working on eliminating my tendency to roll over and play dead.I started from a place where in the face of potential conflict, I'd visualize putting the upside and the downside of confronting the situation vs. rolling over/dead and if I determined that the upside was not significantly better than the downside, I'd roll.Over many years, the lesson I learned (however wrong-headed it was) was that somehow I was less than, that my opinion was not as valid, my needs or desires were not as important as 'the other's'.Now I've reached the point where I'm no longer willing to live that way, and I've begun to take small steps in the direction of living more authentically, living  in my own truth and power, while at the same time striving to be fair, reasonable and rational.As processes go, it's a good one for me.  Interesting even.  The evaluation has shown me that some unpleasant things have floated up in my punchbowl, that need to be resolved.  Some new, some that I've done work with in the past, some that I believed I'd completely dealt with before.  So it's been time to go back to some old tools and exercises that have served me well in the past, to dust them off and put them back into action.I'm finding that with my backside in the sand, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean on a 75 degree day, is about the perfect setting for the work that is calling to be done.There will be some removal going on in every imaginable way.  Some old beliefs, old programs, self-imposed false limitations, perhaps even some people.   But it's sort of like cleaning out a closet or the garage, if it's stored garbage, or something that is no longer relevant, supportive, bringing joy, away it goes.It's always felt so good go clear the decks, purge, recycle and remove.  Rarely have I had regret, and I'm sure this process will be the same.How can I be the best I can be, if I'm dragging along a hundred or more pounds of old crap? I'm ready to fly higher and faster, ready to get rid of old audio or video loops that bring nothing positive to my world and to associate with people who I look forward to connecting with, who engage in interesting and mature conversations, who are living powerfully in their own lives... and challenge and support me in mine.Accepting applications now! :)