Lessons, Tuition, Knowing, Trusting

It is not lost on me, that I'm pretty lucky (some might say blessed, but that's a word that I think is a touch overused).  But I've got a loving and lovely wife, I'm close with my kids and really enjoy the adults they've become.  There's a barn and house full of animals that are beautiful, insightful and interesting, work that lights up my heart and so very much more.One of the many luxuries of my current life, is that I have (and take) time to ruminate over what's going on within me, in my life, in my community, country and world.  I am claiming that as one of the gifts of age.I've reached the point, where I'm much less inclined to run 24/7, trying to get more, more, more.  I'm discovering that less is many times more fulfilling, and certainly less crazy-making.I do believe that SOMETIMES people and situations present to us to hold up a mirror for us to look into, or perhaps to show us a pattern in ourselves that when examined, might generate some desire to change or growthWhile I'm not hyper-focused on 'where's the lesson' in every situation, I do keep an eye out for them as a general awareness sort of thing.As the frosty morning greeted me today, I remembered that we're very much in the home stretch of 2018.  On the overall, it's been a really good year for me.  Personally, professionally, health wise, progress on improvements at home, at the office.  I picked up a son-in-law, and he came with his 4-kids who are 'grandkids' (though I'm not sure I'd know exactly the title they'd have.... so grandkids works for me.)  :)Each year has brought new people into my world, and generally some others who have exited for one reason or another (or for no known reason).  This year was no different in that respect.In my various activities and events, I've connected (and re-connected) with some truly remarkable people.  It will be fun over the next months and years to explore those associations and friendships, knowing that there is much good to give and receive in each.As for the exits in 2018, it was a fairly quiet year in terms of grim reaper visits to Hotel Caledonia.  We're home to a slightly elderly population, so we know that those visits can happen at any time.  I guess the primary difference for us, is that we have 30+ souls under our care, so the odds are higher than most households for such an exit.Some other changes left one degree or another in disappointment, but no lasting wounds or scars. Perhaps I'll be a bit more discerning when drawing an inner circle, I will definitely be quicker to trust, when I sense a red flag being waved, and if/when situations call for an intervention, confrontation, or just pulling the plug, I will be quicker to act.I will, however, strive for kindness in all situations, knowing that I sometimes fail miserably in that area.They did provide, like so many situations do, a call to look at the events, look at the people and situations to assess how they played out.   To assess what might have been different, what could have been handled differently, and of course to grieve the irreversible end of relationships that were at one time important.Like a lot of other times in my life, there was great confirmation that I had read things accurately, and made a decision (time and time again) to ignore the data in front of me, holding out hope that I was mistaken, to be shown that I was not.  Or, quite possibly . to extend grace, even when it wasn't called for.The tuition on some of those courses was quite high.  The outcomes made me question whether there was even an ounce of sincerity in anything that was said and done.  The answer I have arrived at is that there was very little that wasn't calculated or about establishing and maintaining control.To be provided with such powerful confirmation that I did know what I believed I knew, and to be pushed by the situations to not continue a life-long pattern of rolling over and playing dead in order to avoid confrontation are both good things.There is nothing I can do to save others a similar outcome.  Despite being someone who has always wanted to help, to fix to heal things... there is a long list of things that are not in my job description.  This is one of those things.I can only hope that others, if they find themselves with nagging questions and doubts will be quicker to honor what they know.The rest, I suppose is a score that Karma might settle.

Conversations with Friends - Episode II

Here's the 2nd episode of Conversations with Friends.This time, with Donna Stubenvoll of Gaylord Michigan.She's doing some great work.  I hope you enjoy our conversation! https://youtu.be/BZGPO1urdh0

Conversations with Friends- Episode 1

I've started to have some conversations with wonderful friends who are doing great work in one area or another.This is the first Episode of Conversations with Friends, with Shannon Brown Dean from Surf City North Carolina.I've done some Theta Healing sessions with Shannon, and have found them to be incredibly powerful and helpful.I hope you enjoy our conversation.https://youtu.be/kEQhIpA-hT8

Some concepts that have raised their hands for me to take another look...

The last couple of months have involved the removal of a couple of people from my life.  People who have played a significant role in many aspects of my life.It caused me to take a careful look in the mirror and I was reminded of the whole concept of A REASON, A SEASON or A LIFETIME...Here's a video where I discuss the process. https://youtu.be/d8I0zUClkAc

So many metaphors, so little time...

I'm someone who loves clichés, uses metaphors liberally and tries to be very exacting with my words.  I generally have extended grace, assumed the best and given 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances, even when it's likely they were not deserved.I believed that was the 'right' thing to do.  It also allowed me to honor an unspoken vow that had roots (likely) in my childhood... "avoid confrontation at all cost."That last part it turns out, hasn't always served me well, so I've been gradually working on eliminating my tendency to roll over and play dead.I started from a place where in the face of potential conflict, I'd visualize putting the upside and the downside of confronting the situation vs. rolling over/dead and if I determined that the upside was not significantly better than the downside, I'd roll.Over many years, the lesson I learned (however wrong-headed it was) was that somehow I was less than, that my opinion was not as valid, my needs or desires were not as important as 'the other's'.Now I've reached the point where I'm no longer willing to live that way, and I've begun to take small steps in the direction of living more authentically, living  in my own truth and power, while at the same time striving to be fair, reasonable and rational.As processes go, it's a good one for me.  Interesting even.  The evaluation has shown me that some unpleasant things have floated up in my punchbowl, that need to be resolved.  Some new, some that I've done work with in the past, some that I believed I'd completely dealt with before.  So it's been time to go back to some old tools and exercises that have served me well in the past, to dust them off and put them back into action.I'm finding that with my backside in the sand, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean on a 75 degree day, is about the perfect setting for the work that is calling to be done.There will be some removal going on in every imaginable way.  Some old beliefs, old programs, self-imposed false limitations, perhaps even some people.   But it's sort of like cleaning out a closet or the garage, if it's stored garbage, or something that is no longer relevant, supportive, bringing joy, away it goes.It's always felt so good go clear the decks, purge, recycle and remove.  Rarely have I had regret, and I'm sure this process will be the same.How can I be the best I can be, if I'm dragging along a hundred or more pounds of old crap? I'm ready to fly higher and faster, ready to get rid of old audio or video loops that bring nothing positive to my world and to associate with people who I look forward to connecting with, who engage in interesting and mature conversations, who are living powerfully in their own lives... and challenge and support me in mine.Accepting applications now! :)

If it doesn't fit.... get rid of that S***.

From my many decades as a Realtor, I know that stuff grows to fill the available space. From my even more years as a human, I know that what is accepted becomes the normal and sometimes if reasonable boundaries are not set and maintained, even than normal can slide into areas that are not actually tolerable.So far this fall, there's been a fairly active purge going on in several areas of my life.  At the farm, we invited a junk man to come haul away (literally) a ton or more of old equipment that had been busily rusting on the sidelines for too long.  Our weekly trash container is being topped off with items that are trash that had been accumulating here and there.  We began (and continue) a process of appropriately eliminating a seeming lifetime collection of old paint cans.There were multiple trips to our favorite charity store and if I had to guess there will be several more.At my office, I'm going through overstuffed storage closets and file cabinets and bit by bit am eliminating lots of things that don't need to enter a new year in my possession.Today I  dropped off some Real Estate videos to a friend at the Company where I keep my real estate license.  As I exited the building, I had 'a moment'.  It dawned on me that for a wide variety of reasons, it was no longer the space that I was excited to join, and to spend time in.  It served as a confirmation of the rightness of decisions I made almost a year ago, and the changes I'm working on in how I spend the hours of my day.The level of discomfort I felt, even walking into the space and doing what I needed to do was powerful.  Not  a feeling I'll seek out often.Don't get me wrong, there are still some wonderful, amazing, hard-working, deeply caring people there.  It's just not where I now want or need to be.  That's some remarkable clarity right there, especially because for almost 28-years, I have defined myself primarily by the work I did in that (or other, similar) environments.As I was driving back across town to my Lifestyle Engineer office, I was thinking about what I had felt, thinking about the cause, doing a bit of compare and contrast and asking myself some additional questions.Questions that will have me extending the process of evaluation, of adjusting priorities, of designing the next stages of my business and my life.  A part of that process also necessarily involves looking at all the ancillary aspects of all of that to see if there are anchors that I'm dragging along, if I'm holding beliefs that are not serving me well, and if so, eliminating them.It's not the first time I've done a process of getting very clear and very committed to picking up each piece and determining what is and is not a good fit.  What serves my highest good and what does not.  Then lifting up and prioritizing what fits and what moves me forward (and also what moves forward with me) and placing on a shelf or eliminating anything and everything that sucks up energy without adding something of value.As I clear the clutter from my closet, my files, storage areas, garage, computers,  my mind and my life, I know that the flow of energy improves significantly with each step of the process.  As the things that no longer serve a meaningful purpose fade from view, there is energy and room to create a different outcome.What better time than approaching the end of the year to clear the decks, and to make certain that when the new year dawns, I'm travelling light, ready for the adventures I've envisioned... and then to make work of creating the outcomes I desire.Join me?  

Drawing a line.... exercises in exorcising the self-limiting ghosts of the past

Fall of 2011, I was doing a lot of self-awareness and self-improvement work.  My meditation life was robust and regular. Sometimes it involved writing the insights and assignments that were a result of the meditative conversations that took place.It was a time of deep introspection, mid-life evaluation, deep healing and forgiveness of self and others (see the earlier post about Transformational Forgiveness).There had been a marriage of nearly 30-years that I ended, and a couple of subsequent relationships that helped to move me closer to being ready for my current life and marriage to Beth.On a fall day in 2011, my focus was making sure that any loose ends from my life to date and from past relationships were cleaned up to the point where I would not be dragging old baggage and brokenness as I moved forward.So I asked to be shown a way to effectively draw a line and leave the past in the past, to feel love and gratitude for each person who had played a guest appearance or long running character in my life.I was shown that it was incredibly easy.  The instructions were to draw a line to demark the present moment, then to feel myself stepping beyond that line with no need  or desire to look back.Then with each player in the scenes that came before to individually sit down and have a soul-to-soul conversation.In this conversation the goal was to kindly and gently, express my gratitude for the part they played in my life, but also to say anything and everything that I needed them to know to complete the conversation with each person.The conversations allowed me to come back across the line into the present, without dragging old things into the present.I remember the shift I felt as that old baggage was left behind the line.  The lightness, the joyfulness, the peace.My understanding and belief is that even though these conversations take place on a soul-to-soul level, and that no audible words are spoken, the conversation partner receives the messages that I deliver.  Like any conversation, it can certainly be interactive, so it's good to go carefully and pay attention to any feedback that is given.It is important to remember that it really does not matter what they do or don't do upon the completion of YOUR work.  This is an exercise that is 100% about you.  So be joyful in your accomplishment!  Allow yourself to FEEL, really feel what you felt, the peace you feel and celebrate the honest way that you shared.

Fall of 2016- 5-years seems like a good time for me to take a little time, and revisit this exercise that was so very helpful to me in 2011.Like so many things I've seen and done in my personal and business life, this is one of those tools that worked so very well that I quit using it.I'm grateful to the process of writing this blog, that things that I've known, worked with, had success with are resurfacing in a new time and space to allow me to take a look, to self assess if it would be helpful to put them back to work.This one, without even going through an formal process of evaluation is going to come off the bench and go back into active duty in my life.I hope that it plays a role in some of the lives of people who are reading.