An awareness that floated in and rocked my world....

On Thursday, I was talking with a Lifestyle Engineer client. It was her 2nd appointment where we were working to eliminate a long-standing, paralyzing fear of riding in a vehicle that had someone other than her at the wheel.The 1st session had produced some powerful results, and seemingly allowed some additional things to surface that needed some discussion and possible future intervention.The conversation, as many conversations do, came around to weight, diets, control, frustration... and the core programming that so many of us received to one degree or another around food.It's apparent to me that for many people, eating as not about satisfying a physical hunger and provide nourishment to the body.  It's is often about healing boo-boos of life.Many moms raised their kids with the notion that if they cleaned up their plate, they'd be a big boy (or girl), and then rewarded the clean plate with dessert.  (How could that possibly create an undesirable outcome?!?!?) . Then, if we fell off our bike or had some sort of heartbreak... a piece of cake, or bowl of ice cream would be the salve that would heal that, make the pain go away. (again, how could that possibly go wrong?!?!?!)But over the years in working with clients, especially with the Virtual Gastric Band for weight loss, I've come to understand that for many mothers, food is one of their love languages.It's that nurturing, I'll make it all better action based in love.  I've never believed that there was intention to do damage, or create obese children or adults.Until yesterday, that's as deeply as I looked at that.  It was programming that could be re-programmed.  Any damage that was done, could, for the most part, be overcome.But as we were talking about food as a love language, a new realization slapped me right in the forehead.Those who know me know that I've spent a good portion of my life carrying more weight that I would prefer to carry.  I've been up and down.  I did the Virtual Gastric Band and got outstanding results, until I allowed myself to stop paying attention.  After that, my attitude was more of a "who cares'... and there was not the desire or motivation to do what I KNEW beyond any doubt, would put me back in a slimmer, trimmer, healthier body.So yesterday... as my client and I were talking... about food, how it is a love language, it became painfully obvious to me, that at least in my case, there is a connection between how loved I feel, and what I feed my body.Of course, how loved I feel is not necessarily connected to how loved I am.  Perceptions are not always 100% accurate.  And as I type this, it occurs to me that the feeling of lack of love, could be a wholly interior problem.  That for whatever reason, I come to points where I don't appreciate and love myself, so.... because good food equals love... I shovel it in.... gain weight...love myself less.... rinse and repeat.So, I'll be spending some time in the days ahead, looking at these ideas and the,  potential impact they are having on my life, and some processes that will help me change that around.Then another fun part, will be looking at ways I can add that re-defining love into the weight loss process that has helped so many clients redefine their relationship with eating and with food.If you have thoughts about this, as they relate to your life, feel free to comment here, or if you prefer, send me a private message or e-mail.  I'd truly love to hear from you.

Down memory lane... and the kindness shown by others...as we've said goodbye, over and over

When you live, as Beth and I do, with 7 dogs (down from a high of 9), and a barn full of horses, miniature horses, donkeys, goats and llamas (many of them belong to us and are rescue beings, some are boarders), you know it's possible that the circle of life can show up at any time, with little or no notice or warning.This is especially true, given that we believe that each one, deserves a forever home, where they can live all of their days with dignity, great love and care, despite the fact that many of them are essentially fertilizer producing lawn decorations.  Beautiful, powerful beings nonetheless.But they are, without a doubt, all very much family!Most of their day-to-day care, falls to Dan.  He's a foster son who has lived in Beth's home for over 30-years.  He's the keeper of the herd, the tender of the pack.  He and 5 of the dogs, reside in the walkout level of the house.He's wonderful with all of the animals.  I'd guess that he's more than a bit intuitive when it comes to what is going on in their lives.But over the decades that he's been a part of the family, he's said hello, and goodbye to dozens and dozens of beautiful souls who have called Hotel Caledonia home.I've been involved for nearly 7-years as I write this, and after the events of New Year's Day, I was trying to remember the names and faces of each one that has crossed the bridge in that time.From the dog population, we've said goodbye to Maggie, Gracie, Jake and Toby.There was Billy Joe, a pigmy goat, the blonde and the chocolate colored full sized goats, Baaaaby the sheep, Oinkette, a pot-bellied pig, and horses; Moose, Daisy, Sarge, Nina, Santana Red, Seamus, and most recently, Moe.Because of who I am, and the belief system I carry, on those occasions when we have to make the decision to have our vet provide an injected assist, to help them cross the bridge, I will spend time with each one.  Talking to them, assuring them that they are loved and will be missed, that there will be a herd of familiar faces to greet and welcome them on the other side.I'll generally do Reiki on each one, and go stall-to-stall asking each of the barn mates to send their love to their neighbor who is about to depart.I guess it doesn't matter a lot, if I'm doing all that for them, or for me or both.  But I know that the process allows me to feel much more peaceful about the decisions we have to make.Honoring them in this way only seems right.When the time comes, and I lead them out of their stalls, down the aisle, to the quiet place alongside the barn.  The barn is absolutely quiet, there's a sacredness in the space.  Not a peep out of anyone.  Each one, watching in unison as their buddy makes that final walk.Our primary vet just retired recently.  I'll miss him.  He's always so kind, so gentle.  Every time, he explained to me what is about to happen, as if I've not heard it before.  His assistant always asked if I'm sure I want to hold the lead rope and be there.  My answer is always the same.  "I want the last face they see to be the face of someone they know, a face that reflects the love and honor we have for them."Then it is done.Almost always, I get a sense of gratitude that we've recognized that it is time.  Not too soon, not too late.... and that they are ok.  Then, as life leaves, I see them romping in a heavenly pasture with long time friends they've not seen in ages.Each one living or not, leaves a mark on my heart.  Each one, so individual in personality and the way they interact.  Saying goodbye always makes my eyes leak.  There is sadness that they will not be a part of day-to-day life,   that I won't be able to talk to them, rub their ears, feed them some treats and wonder at their beauty, power and wisdom.But there is more!  Because we are a 'forever' home, there is recognition of the honor it has been to be 'their humans'... to have them as a part of our family.   To be able to provide them a safe, stable, well-cared for life.  Some come in with scars of many kinds.  But after a time, with Dan there, every day taking care of their needs and treating them with dignity and respect, they learn to trust again.I am not always sure why I'm nudged to write any of these blog posts.  The roots of this one are from events of New Year's Eve and New Years Day.    Moe, the senior member of the barn family developed some problems. After consulting with our Vet, and monitoring his symptoms, he had to be put down the next day.On New Years Eve I debated posting his photo and what was happening on my Facebook wall.  I knew that some of my online friends had met Moe.  Others are energy workers who would throw their energy into the best possible outcome.  Still others, would send up a prayer.But I'm always hesitant to post these sorts of things, for fear that others will think that my motivation is less than pure, or seeking sympathy, or whatever it is people think.But in the end, I posted, then after Moe passed, I posted an update.The responses were lovely, heartfelt, ongoing.   That touched me deeply.  That on a busy holiday, people would take time to send up a prayer, type words of encouragement or sympathy.  Frankly, that they cared at all was inspiring.So now, I'm nearing the end of this writing, still wondering exactly why I need to write it.   Realizing that it might not matter why.  Perhaps it's just me ALLOWING myself to put my stories out there with the hope that there is something that I write that can shine a light on a situation for someone who reads it.Or maybe, it is all about me.  That I need to ponder all of this, put it into some sort of readable form, so that I can remember and honor again, the wonderful lives that have been entrusted to us, and the memories of these beautiful creatures.Perhaps it serves as a reminder for me to honor each human creature I encounter, regardless of whether they are powerful and beautiful or broken and struggling.  If I can afford that love and courtesy to 4-legged people in the barn, that only seems right, right?I have no delusion that should I approach every person and being in this way, that it will spread and become the norm.  That we'll start walking more kindly and gently alongside each other, but I can hope, can't I?One last memory as I end this piece.  A couple of years ago, we had two older horses who were reaching the finish line at the same time.  It seemed fitting, as they had begun their lives in Beth's barn many years ago.  They were Sarge and Nina.  Boyfriend and girlfriend, though Sarge considered himself a bit of a ladies man.  Each time a new mare joined the family, Sarge would leave Nina to make a play.  When that didn't work, Nina would be there waiting for him to return.As Sarge developed trouble with balance and mobility, Nina was literally at his side.  Supporting him, and I imagine encouraging him.When I was working with them/talking to them in preparation for their departure, I got the strong sense that Sarge needed to go first.  That Nina had taken a vow to support him and be there for him until the end, and if we attempted to do ladies first, she would really put up a fight.As I got into my Jeep afterward to drive back to the house... as soon as the radio started.. the opening notes of the Rolling Stones "Wild Horses" began.   I'd been holding myself together with a thin string that immediately snapped.Now, when I hear that song, I have faces and names to go with the Wild Horses they sing about.  

Lessons, Tuition, Knowing, Trusting

It is not lost on me, that I'm pretty lucky (some might say blessed, but that's a word that I think is a touch overused).  But I've got a loving and lovely wife, I'm close with my kids and really enjoy the adults they've become.  There's a barn and house full of animals that are beautiful, insightful and interesting, work that lights up my heart and so very much more.One of the many luxuries of my current life, is that I have (and take) time to ruminate over what's going on within me, in my life, in my community, country and world.  I am claiming that as one of the gifts of age.I've reached the point, where I'm much less inclined to run 24/7, trying to get more, more, more.  I'm discovering that less is many times more fulfilling, and certainly less crazy-making.I do believe that SOMETIMES people and situations present to us to hold up a mirror for us to look into, or perhaps to show us a pattern in ourselves that when examined, might generate some desire to change or growthWhile I'm not hyper-focused on 'where's the lesson' in every situation, I do keep an eye out for them as a general awareness sort of thing.As the frosty morning greeted me today, I remembered that we're very much in the home stretch of 2018.  On the overall, it's been a really good year for me.  Personally, professionally, health wise, progress on improvements at home, at the office.  I picked up a son-in-law, and he came with his 4-kids who are 'grandkids' (though I'm not sure I'd know exactly the title they'd have.... so grandkids works for me.)  :)Each year has brought new people into my world, and generally some others who have exited for one reason or another (or for no known reason).  This year was no different in that respect.In my various activities and events, I've connected (and re-connected) with some truly remarkable people.  It will be fun over the next months and years to explore those associations and friendships, knowing that there is much good to give and receive in each.As for the exits in 2018, it was a fairly quiet year in terms of grim reaper visits to Hotel Caledonia.  We're home to a slightly elderly population, so we know that those visits can happen at any time.  I guess the primary difference for us, is that we have 30+ souls under our care, so the odds are higher than most households for such an exit.Some other changes left one degree or another in disappointment, but no lasting wounds or scars. Perhaps I'll be a bit more discerning when drawing an inner circle, I will definitely be quicker to trust, when I sense a red flag being waved, and if/when situations call for an intervention, confrontation, or just pulling the plug, I will be quicker to act.I will, however, strive for kindness in all situations, knowing that I sometimes fail miserably in that area.They did provide, like so many situations do, a call to look at the events, look at the people and situations to assess how they played out.   To assess what might have been different, what could have been handled differently, and of course to grieve the irreversible end of relationships that were at one time important.Like a lot of other times in my life, there was great confirmation that I had read things accurately, and made a decision (time and time again) to ignore the data in front of me, holding out hope that I was mistaken, to be shown that I was not.  Or, quite possibly . to extend grace, even when it wasn't called for.The tuition on some of those courses was quite high.  The outcomes made me question whether there was even an ounce of sincerity in anything that was said and done.  The answer I have arrived at is that there was very little that wasn't calculated or about establishing and maintaining control.To be provided with such powerful confirmation that I did know what I believed I knew, and to be pushed by the situations to not continue a life-long pattern of rolling over and playing dead in order to avoid confrontation are both good things.There is nothing I can do to save others a similar outcome.  Despite being someone who has always wanted to help, to fix to heal things... there is a long list of things that are not in my job description.  This is one of those things.I can only hope that others, if they find themselves with nagging questions and doubts will be quicker to honor what they know.The rest, I suppose is a score that Karma might settle.

Where has the time gone??!!?!?!? Some reflections as I start my 65th birthday week.

   https://youtu.be/hQw2VWonh0s

Conversations with Friends- Episode 1

I've started to have some conversations with wonderful friends who are doing great work in one area or another.This is the first Episode of Conversations with Friends, with Shannon Brown Dean from Surf City North Carolina.I've done some Theta Healing sessions with Shannon, and have found them to be incredibly powerful and helpful.I hope you enjoy our conversation.https://youtu.be/kEQhIpA-hT8

Balance and the Juiciness of Life

As a result of having a wonderful conversation with my dear friend Brian Relph, some insights and information floated in to challenge me to enjoy my life, the fruits of my labor... getting to the juiciness of life. https://youtu.be/T1lcn2nOKzA

Some concepts that have raised their hands for me to take another look...

The last couple of months have involved the removal of a couple of people from my life.  People who have played a significant role in many aspects of my life.It caused me to take a careful look in the mirror and I was reminded of the whole concept of A REASON, A SEASON or A LIFETIME...Here's a video where I discuss the process. https://youtu.be/d8I0zUClkAc

What led me to the work I currently do...

I've had quite a few people ask me how I came to do the work I do as a Hypnotherapist... I had to go all the way back to the 1970's to find the roots. https://youtu.be/2HuNyH-gQTA

The Power of YOUR Mind

I recently had a couple of interactions with a woman I met on the deck overlooking the ocean.  It was about a deep seated, longstanding fear.  But with some fairly minor changes in her words and thoughts, she had a powerful breakthrough.[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCf7NMgvoF4&w=560&h=315]

The expectations of others... and driving my own bus.

From time to time, things that I've believed that I've 100% dealt with, on all levels, will pop back up,  perhaps just to double-check my convictions of where I believe I am.  Then, as if to try to complicate things just a touch, add in a dash of other people's expectations, and their apparent belief that they know better than me, what I really want and/or need.Earlier in my life, it's highly likely I would have caved. I might have allowed the pressure of others to dictate my actions, but it seems I've moved out of that unhealthy place of living. I'm pretty glad to see that.A touch of background. (Not too much, really).  My father and I have only talked to each other and spent time in each other's presence when it couldn't be avoided since sometime in the mid-1970's.  Prior to that time, it can best be described as a dysfunctional father/son relationship.  And that might be too kind.I am confident that he absolutely did the best that he knew how to do and truly meant no harm.Over the decades, there has been a lot of work completed  on my part, to first get to neutral,  then to do some deep forgiveness work and to get to a place where I could appreciate that he and I had agreed upon the type of relationship we would have when we were in a pure spirit form.It was a game changer for me, when I got to the point that I realized that he loved me enough to be the asshole that he could be, to teach me what I'd asked to be taught.  He actually did teach me a lot of things!  Many of them were more along the lines of things I did not want to be, do, say.  When I had a fatherly quandary with my own children, I would sometimes ask myself "what would Duane do?", and then would likely head in the opposite direction.  That too, seemed to work out well for my kids and me.Now, at 90 years old, he's significantly closer to the end of his life day by day. A while ago, he had what has been cryptically described as 'an episode'.  Not one that required an ambulance or trip to the ER, but one that took him to the doctor the next day. The alarm was sounded in the form of a text.   I felt an interesting peace, and frankly distance from the situation.  For me, PEACE is the goal, so I took that as a good thing.I have spent a fair amount of  time wrestling with the 'when the time comes' scenarios over the last years.  I tend to revisit it every few months, checking in with myself to make sure that when it is his time to leave this life, that I will be ok with my choices, not wracked with guilt.  Yep, time and again, I find that I'm 100% good with where I am.The bottom line for me is that for 40+ years we've had little or no interaction or communication, most often it took place when it could not be avoided.  Given that communication is a 2-way street, I can only assume that lacking any attempt on his part to modify that, he must have been ok with the status quo.What possibly would be gained by an awkward,  approaching the exit ramp visit?   For me, nothing I actually want or need.I walk into this process completely in neutral.  Toward him, toward the alarm sounder.   I'm really happy about that.  Apparently, the old buttons have been re-wired or moved, and that's wonderful.  Each person involved gets to make their own choices on how they will walk through the process.  If they will grieve, how they will grieve.  Certainly anyone can have their own opinion on what another 'should' do, they actually would be well served to keep that opinion to themselves, unless it is requested.One of my goals each day, is to walk gently, to avoid conflict if at all possible, to never look for trouble and to never throw the 1st punch.But when backed into a corner, or when the situation requires a stronger, less peaceful response, I do have everything and anything I could possibly need to respond in a way that leaves no room for misunderstanding my position.  (See, even there, I'm being gentle).A word to the wise.  I am a fully functioning 64 year old human.  If you are not me, you  probably lack a good grasp on who I am, so it stands to reason that you also don't have any real idea what is or is not best for me, or important to me.So if your actions are driven primarily by your apparent need to drive the bus, I'd remind you that I drive my own bus.  I'm sure that in many areas of your life, others allow you to drive their bus.  But be clear, this is not one of those times.

So many metaphors, so little time...

I'm someone who loves clichés, uses metaphors liberally and tries to be very exacting with my words.  I generally have extended grace, assumed the best and given 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances, even when it's likely they were not deserved.I believed that was the 'right' thing to do.  It also allowed me to honor an unspoken vow that had roots (likely) in my childhood... "avoid confrontation at all cost."That last part it turns out, hasn't always served me well, so I've been gradually working on eliminating my tendency to roll over and play dead.I started from a place where in the face of potential conflict, I'd visualize putting the upside and the downside of confronting the situation vs. rolling over/dead and if I determined that the upside was not significantly better than the downside, I'd roll.Over many years, the lesson I learned (however wrong-headed it was) was that somehow I was less than, that my opinion was not as valid, my needs or desires were not as important as 'the other's'.Now I've reached the point where I'm no longer willing to live that way, and I've begun to take small steps in the direction of living more authentically, living  in my own truth and power, while at the same time striving to be fair, reasonable and rational.As processes go, it's a good one for me.  Interesting even.  The evaluation has shown me that some unpleasant things have floated up in my punchbowl, that need to be resolved.  Some new, some that I've done work with in the past, some that I believed I'd completely dealt with before.  So it's been time to go back to some old tools and exercises that have served me well in the past, to dust them off and put them back into action.I'm finding that with my backside in the sand, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean on a 75 degree day, is about the perfect setting for the work that is calling to be done.There will be some removal going on in every imaginable way.  Some old beliefs, old programs, self-imposed false limitations, perhaps even some people.   But it's sort of like cleaning out a closet or the garage, if it's stored garbage, or something that is no longer relevant, supportive, bringing joy, away it goes.It's always felt so good go clear the decks, purge, recycle and remove.  Rarely have I had regret, and I'm sure this process will be the same.How can I be the best I can be, if I'm dragging along a hundred or more pounds of old crap? I'm ready to fly higher and faster, ready to get rid of old audio or video loops that bring nothing positive to my world and to associate with people who I look forward to connecting with, who engage in interesting and mature conversations, who are living powerfully in their own lives... and challenge and support me in mine.Accepting applications now! :)

Seems like we're all pretty much the same person...

In my hypnotherapy work, I've found over and over that clients come to me to eliminate a specific situation or behavior from their lives.  For some it is tobacco, for others, excess weight, really a very broad range of behavioral changes that are desired.  But almost every time, what they come for is a SYMPTOM of the underlying causative challenge.Across the board, regardless of why they believe they are there, regardless of age, gender, or any other factor, the underlying causation is so similar from one client to the next,  that it would be difficult to say where one starts and the other begins.In my conversations with these clients, they often seem surprised that 'their particular situation' is not horribly unique.  Many are visibly shocked when I explain that almost everyone who I've worked with, has a story that is 80-90% the same, in terms of life situations that installed a challenge they want to overcome.Because I do a lot of work with weight loss, utilizing a Virtual Gastric Band,  I want to focus on two parent installed programs that are so common as to be predictable.The Clean Plate Club-  Well meaning parents for decades have told their children, "Clean up your plate, be a big boy (or girl)!   and then are surprised when their boy or girl in fact grows up to BE a big boy or girl.To compound the damage of this one, the reward for cleaning up your plate is often desert.What this actually teaches a child, is that the clean plate is a more accurate measure of the amount of food they need in any one sitting than the messages from their body that  they are being encouraged to ignore, that are telling them that they are full.So many people go through life disregarding the intelligence of their bodies, overstuff themselves to get to clean plate status...then just like mom did, they reward themselves with desert.Food as a salve for any boo-boo-  I've not met anyone yet, who did not learn that there is no boo-boo (physical, mental, emotional or spiritual) that ice cream, a piece of pie or cake won't sooth.You fall off your bike, and the parent who rushes to comfort you says something like... "Oh honey, let's get you some ice cream!  That will make you feel better!"... so we learn that when we're hurt, upset, angry, or really at any time, a big 'treat' will make us feel better.I'd encourage you, if you are a parent, to look at yourself to see if you are teaching these things to your kids, and if you are, STOP IT! :)Additionally, my overall observation is that there are so many people who have been had their self concept diminished by being whittled away by loved ones, parents, teachers, clergy, spouses/former spouses... some to the point where they don't see any value when they look in the mirror, some who feel as if they don't have any (or very few) redeeming features, and are destined to be unloved and deserve to be unloved.For the most part though, these same people are absolute warriors.  Despite all that they carry, they are walking forward day-by-day, doing what needs to be done, caring for their children and/or family members, being productive and functioning.It really gives me great joy though, when I can help clients to see that the image that others have carved out of who they truly are is an illusion, and that it is not at all accurate.  The bonus is to be able to help them to get to full power, full brilliance.  They seem to shine a bit brighter and walk more proudly, when they get a glimpse of who they truly are.At the end of each session, I feel honored that they've trusted me with what are in some cases stories that they may not have told anyone else in their lives, I feel humbled that I get to help them facilitate some healing, some new direction, some return to full power, and consequently some better, more desirable and desired outcomes.I'm always happy to have those confidential conversations as people are considering making some changes in their lives.   The initial consultations are Free and without any pressure. 

Alignment and Resistance....

As 2016 headed into the home stretch, as I do every year, I spent some time reflecting on the year almost gone, and then some additional time setting my intentions for the new beginning that landed on January 1st.  This year, I've also set a goal of clearing the decks in every storage area, every file cabinet, every hard drive.  It is not totally unlike the excavation of my Journals I've been working through.  The reward from that effort has been quite a few of the blog posts that precede this one.So far, the return on investment as I make my way, file-by-file, drawer-by-drawer, shelf-by-shelf has been multi-part, and I'm not close to done. I've discovered things I've written, photos I've taken, memories that had faded that when rediscovered put a smile on my face or reminded me of parts of my process that worked so well, I stopped using them.Those who know me won't be surprised that as I sort and shift and pitch things, my mind is busy.  Looking at why I've saved the things I'm finding.  Discerning whether it's  a nugget worth keeping, or something that is recyclable,  whether it needs to be passed along to another person or whether it is purely stored garbage.But on deeper levels,  I worked through the process looking at how I wished to begin 2017 and then to make it the most powerful year possible. My desire to reach and assist as many clients as possible.  Wanting to expand my teaching and workshop schedules to help the attendees reach levels of living that they've not been certain were attainable.Another part of the process appears to be an endless process of self-evaluation.  Measuring whether my actions and goals are in alignment to see if I'm living as the highest version of myself (or perhaps making sure I'm moving in that direction).  I found that as I look at the level of internal alignment, it is sometimes easy to see where it's out of whack, purely on the basis of my own resistance.Whether that resistance shows up as a too quiet appointment book, symptoms of less than stellar health, energy levels that might not be optimal, or whether I just feel out of sorts, grumpy or angry, those are all signs to me that I need to take a step back, go within, spend some time reconnecting, meditating and remembering to fly higher and have that big picture in my view.Many teachers over the years have in one way or another sharpened my awareness that the things that bother me the most about other people and situations can be the things that I dislike about myself.  The people and situations in my life are holding up a mirror for me to look into, and the level of resistance I feel toward them, is at least equal to the resistance I have toward one or more aspects of my own life.As the process rolls along, I've found deeper pockets within myself of uncertainty and resistance than I thought I would at this point in my life.  The ongoing questioning of direction, desire, intention, value and so much more. Even as I sit in a Florida condo on the shores of the Atlantic Ocean, realizing how incredibly lucky I am.It's been a time of revisiting choices and outcomes.  A time of looking at the results I'm experiencing  with an eye on which of my actions, thoughts and beliefs might need a tweak to get closer to the outcomes and experiences I've been desiring.More importantly, there is a realization that I no longer want to delay my joy until some arbitrary measuring has been exceeded or some goal met.  I'm 63  years old... old enough to suspect that I have fewer years ahead than I have behind.  Objective enough to realize that by almost any measure, I'm living a pretty outstanding life.My challenge (let's be real, ONE of my challenges, and challenges can be accurately called choices too) is to allow myself to by happy with where I am, with whatever human frailties and faults I might have.  To be actively IN each moment and experience, to take every ounce of joy that I can find.  To laugh more, love more, to allow myself more simple pleasures, and to lessen the amount of harsh judgement I hold for myself and others.There is plenty of room for improvement  in this area.  But even looking at that fact is related to resistance and likely bumps me out of alignment.  Hmmmm.  Is that the circle of life.Please feel free to comment with ways that you stay in alignment, and reduce your resistance!!    

Audio Blog: Recorded Segments from Answered Prayers by Julia Cameron.

Answered Prayers: Love Letters from the Divine by Julia Cameron is one of my very favorite books.As the title implies, it is suggested that the reader approach each of the segments as a personal letter to them from God.I've used this book in classes, workshops, speaking engagements and even at weddings and funerals were I've been the officiant.In February of 2016, I started the process of recording some of the sections of the book.  I had no idea why I wanted to do this project. I also had no idea if or how I would ever use the recordings.Interestingly, there have been a lot of times where a conversation provided a nudge that one recording or another, might be helpful to the person, so I've shared it.I have no idea if I'm breaking any sort of laws by making and sharing the recordings.  But I give full credit to the author for creating the work, I am not intending to make any money off these recording, so I'm thinking that I'm ok.Below are links for the three recordings that deal with death and loss.  They are the recordings I have shared most often, with people I know who have experienced some  sort of great loss in their lives.Click Here to be taken to a page on my website where the recordings are waiting for you. I hope you enjoy them.   

Wasting Away on the Ocean

Like so many people I know, I've spent much of my life defining myself by what I do for a living. Judging myself based primarily on what I manage to 'accomplish' on any given day. So busy has been my normal state, and if I'm not busy, I start to twitch.

That, on quite a few levels, has worked well enough for me. It allowed me to build a successful real estate business and is helping me build my Hypnotherapy Practice. That drive also compelled me to serve on industry related committees, boards of directors and in various positions in the church I (occasionally) attend.

Over the last 5-years, there's been a new part of my annual schedule that has been both wonderful and also twitch inducing. Beth and I now spend February and March in a condo on the Atlantic Ocean on Hutchinson Island Florida. It is lovely! It is beautiful! To have morning coffee or evening cocktails overlooking the always changing, always powerful, always beautiful ocean, is remarkable.

I've known for a very long time that I never feel as close and connected to my source as I do in the presence of large water. It doesn't matter if it is Lake Michigan, the Atlantic or the Pacific... I'm at home. I'm able to have conversations with whomever I talk to in those times, that are unlike any other conversation I have in a different location.

That's the wonderful part. The twitch enters the picture when the lack of structure collides with my DNA induced need to be busy and productive. I can put my feet up and read a good novel for a while. I can even watch re-runs of TV shows for a time. But I reach the point fairly soon, where I want to DO something. To produce something... to take some regular steps toward whatever goal is near the top of the current list.

So it is that need that has me sitting on the patio of a Starbucks this morning, banging away on my IPad keyboard.

It has been almost 10-years since I got the urge to write. It started with journals. Lots and lots of journals. Then gradually with starts and stops, graduated to Blogging. 1st in the Real Estate sector, now more in a 'tales from the journey' sort of way.

I have frustrated myself greatly due to my lack of actual progress in this area. I write things, read them and hit the delete key. I sit down to write and am hit with the question I've come to find is common for authors... the question of "what do I possibly have to say that anyone would want to read?"

But my inner guidance, and some consultations with friends, and coaches have assured me that there are books to write, and that they are (mostly) patiently waiting for me to sit down, to become quiet and to make a committment, and then to allow the words to flow through me to the page.

This is likely no different than any number of experiences I've wrestled with over the decades. The tug toward stepping out of the carefully crafted box I've kept myself in, for a lot of reasons (not all of them valid). Then the internal discussion about the reasons why I should go for it, with the counter-conversation of all the reasons it's a bad idea.

Intellectually, I know and believe that the only real limits I have, are the limits I place on myself, or to a much lesser degree, allow others in my life to place upon me. But with that group, it is still my choice to accept the suggested limit as my own (or not).

Let me speak to that last group 1st. I believe that each person who offered up self limiting beliefs for me to consider, did not offer them in a malicious way. I believe that in their own way, they were offering me what they thought was in my best interest. To protect me, to keep me from going down a path that they believed was not suited for me. In some cases, I've wondered if their best instincts and intentions might have been slightly influenced by their desire to 'help me' stay where I was vs. becoming who I might be. Again, not in a malicious way, but rather perhaps in a "I'm comfortable with where we are, who Eric is, and I fear that if he grows and goes where he might, that he won't have room for me in his life any longer".

So for me, it becomes about making sure that those who are incredibly important in my life know and believe that they re that important, and that regardless of what the next section of the Journey brings, that will not change. But it also becomes about me having enough belief in myself that that I step out and step up and get to work on those things that have been presenting to me.

As if to speak to this situation, a lizard of some kind sort of stopped by. I was typing away, and as I often do, I was looking at my surroundings. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw some movement and looked over to see a foot long lizard step off the curb into the driveway. He did what looked like a couple of pushups and then rolled over on his back, motionless.

Thankfully there were no cars entering or exiting at that moment because he laid there longer than seemed smart. I couldn't look away. Part in fascination and wonder, but also wondering what the heck was going to become of this little guy.

So after several long moments, he popped up, rolled back over and scampered on his way.

I don't think that anyone else on the patio noticed this little drama that unfolded, so as I'm prone to, I attempted to look a touch deeper to see if there was something other than a what the heck moment in this.

And of course, I cannot be 100% sure, as the little guy did not come talk to me like the Gecko from Geico might, but sometimes, things present to us to show us a reflection of things in our life.

If I assume that to be true in this case, I looked at it to see what he might have been saying.

Here's what I came up with. After what from my view, was a mild exertion, he was exhausted... rolled over and was seemingly done. Despite the fact that he was laying in a somewhat dangerous position, given the possibility of a car rolling over him, he was not concerned. He laid there as long as he needed to, then got up and went about his business.

When I look at what I was writing at the time, and how I've had such resistance to sitting down and writing on any predictable schedule, when I think about how I've assigned the concept of 'hard work' to a lot of what really has just been life unfolding, there seems to be a possible parallel to the several pushups the lizard did.

So I've decided to take the part where he got up and scampered on his way as the message to take forward.

It's time to get up...and get underway. No obstacles. No false beliefs of not being worthy. AS a dear friend advised me a while back... "Stop dickin' around".

So this is me... doing that now.

Getting into the flow by letting go of the oars...

From the archives, written originally on September 2, 2009.I was fairly freshly single after 30 years of marriage and in the process of defining/re-defining what the 2nd 1/2 of this lifetime looked like.This was a writing that came from a session of working in my Akashic Record.  (visit my website, www.RedefiningSuccess.net for a history and description of Akashic Records)In any case, where a section is labeled ESW, that is where I am asking a question.  The sections labeled MTL are the responses from the Masters, Teachers and Loved Ones answering via The Akashic Record.__________________________

ESW~ If I write here that I release the need I've had for massive control for minute details of how... do you take the oars?MTL~ YesESW~ Then I bless and release the details of my life into Divine Hands.I trust that what is in my heart's fondest desires is delivered to me.I believe that my role is to envision the big picture & walk peacefully & joyfully into my life.My stress level drops like a rock.My self-doubt and self loathing fall away as erroneous illusions, that are no longer needed.I live in the moment- am beautiful, healthy and strong.Abundance that until now seemed beyond my grasp arrives daily in Divine Order.I am peaceful, joyful, loving and whole. I express these gifts of God fully and completely.And so it is. 

ESW~ I've declared my intention to drop the oars- to turn the management and details over to Spirit, and yet I find myself living more in my head than I would like. 1st is my perception of that running some interference real? 2nd- how do I practice and master turning off my brain and being totally in the moment?MTL~ You ask great questions. Yes- if you were totally in the moment- the thoughts and beliefs that take you out of the moment- and seemingly keep you from TOTALLY experiencing the moment would not exist. To get there takes practice.1st- know that you are always completely protected. So you don't need to be so wary. Know that no ulterior motives exist- and you are totally safe- in all things. Focus on love, focus on feeling. State an intention of being. NOT DOING. Focus on how joyful you can become in every situation.Eric, there is no one who can or even wants to harm you in any way. And really, even if they did, it cannot happen.As you take time for the important aspects of your life, the mundane details are handled.END>I came to understand that my tendency, which appears to be pretty common with people, was to jump into my canoe, point it upstream and then to paddle like crazy, against the current.  To then get frustrated when I made little or no forward progress.I was told that everything I want or need is actually downstream, and if I turned the canoe around, put down the paddle, got in the flow, the current would take me where I wanted to go.Seems pretty simple.  So I did that, and found it to be a less tiring and frustrating way to go.This ongoing excavation of the old journals is rewarding for me.  On one hand, it's a map of the journey and the progress I've made  in various areas.  But I'm finding meditations, stories, tools that were powerfully helpful to me at the time.  Things that worked so well I quit using them.  That now, I can circle back to, for my own use, and to put the ideas out in this blog, or as recordings in the Free Tools area of my website, or as handouts to clients and class attendees.In the light of all the seeming division and controversy in our world and country at the present moment, it is more of a challenge than normal for me to not paddle upstream.  So each day, I take a series of deep breaths.  I attempt (sometimes successfully) to focus on the things that are truly important to me, to support what is good and right, to gently, without throwing gas on the fire, to add my voice, constructively in opposition to the many things that are being suggested that would take us in a very wrong direction.

If it doesn't fit.... get rid of that S***.

From my many decades as a Realtor, I know that stuff grows to fill the available space. From my even more years as a human, I know that what is accepted becomes the normal and sometimes if reasonable boundaries are not set and maintained, even than normal can slide into areas that are not actually tolerable.So far this fall, there's been a fairly active purge going on in several areas of my life.  At the farm, we invited a junk man to come haul away (literally) a ton or more of old equipment that had been busily rusting on the sidelines for too long.  Our weekly trash container is being topped off with items that are trash that had been accumulating here and there.  We began (and continue) a process of appropriately eliminating a seeming lifetime collection of old paint cans.There were multiple trips to our favorite charity store and if I had to guess there will be several more.At my office, I'm going through overstuffed storage closets and file cabinets and bit by bit am eliminating lots of things that don't need to enter a new year in my possession.Today I  dropped off some Real Estate videos to a friend at the Company where I keep my real estate license.  As I exited the building, I had 'a moment'.  It dawned on me that for a wide variety of reasons, it was no longer the space that I was excited to join, and to spend time in.  It served as a confirmation of the rightness of decisions I made almost a year ago, and the changes I'm working on in how I spend the hours of my day.The level of discomfort I felt, even walking into the space and doing what I needed to do was powerful.  Not  a feeling I'll seek out often.Don't get me wrong, there are still some wonderful, amazing, hard-working, deeply caring people there.  It's just not where I now want or need to be.  That's some remarkable clarity right there, especially because for almost 28-years, I have defined myself primarily by the work I did in that (or other, similar) environments.As I was driving back across town to my Lifestyle Engineer office, I was thinking about what I had felt, thinking about the cause, doing a bit of compare and contrast and asking myself some additional questions.Questions that will have me extending the process of evaluation, of adjusting priorities, of designing the next stages of my business and my life.  A part of that process also necessarily involves looking at all the ancillary aspects of all of that to see if there are anchors that I'm dragging along, if I'm holding beliefs that are not serving me well, and if so, eliminating them.It's not the first time I've done a process of getting very clear and very committed to picking up each piece and determining what is and is not a good fit.  What serves my highest good and what does not.  Then lifting up and prioritizing what fits and what moves me forward (and also what moves forward with me) and placing on a shelf or eliminating anything and everything that sucks up energy without adding something of value.As I clear the clutter from my closet, my files, storage areas, garage, computers,  my mind and my life, I know that the flow of energy improves significantly with each step of the process.  As the things that no longer serve a meaningful purpose fade from view, there is energy and room to create a different outcome.What better time than approaching the end of the year to clear the decks, and to make certain that when the new year dawns, I'm travelling light, ready for the adventures I've envisioned... and then to make work of creating the outcomes I desire.Join me?  

Drawing a line.... exercises in exorcising the self-limiting ghosts of the past

Fall of 2011, I was doing a lot of self-awareness and self-improvement work.  My meditation life was robust and regular. Sometimes it involved writing the insights and assignments that were a result of the meditative conversations that took place.It was a time of deep introspection, mid-life evaluation, deep healing and forgiveness of self and others (see the earlier post about Transformational Forgiveness).There had been a marriage of nearly 30-years that I ended, and a couple of subsequent relationships that helped to move me closer to being ready for my current life and marriage to Beth.On a fall day in 2011, my focus was making sure that any loose ends from my life to date and from past relationships were cleaned up to the point where I would not be dragging old baggage and brokenness as I moved forward.So I asked to be shown a way to effectively draw a line and leave the past in the past, to feel love and gratitude for each person who had played a guest appearance or long running character in my life.I was shown that it was incredibly easy.  The instructions were to draw a line to demark the present moment, then to feel myself stepping beyond that line with no need  or desire to look back.Then with each player in the scenes that came before to individually sit down and have a soul-to-soul conversation.In this conversation the goal was to kindly and gently, express my gratitude for the part they played in my life, but also to say anything and everything that I needed them to know to complete the conversation with each person.The conversations allowed me to come back across the line into the present, without dragging old things into the present.I remember the shift I felt as that old baggage was left behind the line.  The lightness, the joyfulness, the peace.My understanding and belief is that even though these conversations take place on a soul-to-soul level, and that no audible words are spoken, the conversation partner receives the messages that I deliver.  Like any conversation, it can certainly be interactive, so it's good to go carefully and pay attention to any feedback that is given.It is important to remember that it really does not matter what they do or don't do upon the completion of YOUR work.  This is an exercise that is 100% about you.  So be joyful in your accomplishment!  Allow yourself to FEEL, really feel what you felt, the peace you feel and celebrate the honest way that you shared.

Fall of 2016- 5-years seems like a good time for me to take a little time, and revisit this exercise that was so very helpful to me in 2011.Like so many things I've seen and done in my personal and business life, this is one of those tools that worked so very well that I quit using it.I'm grateful to the process of writing this blog, that things that I've known, worked with, had success with are resurfacing in a new time and space to allow me to take a look, to self assess if it would be helpful to put them back to work.This one, without even going through an formal process of evaluation is going to come off the bench and go back into active duty in my life.I hope that it plays a role in some of the lives of people who are reading. 

Many wise and wonderful women who touched my life and who I'm proud to call friends...(and one I'm happy to call Mrs.)

Little Sable Eric

SR Eric Beach

The other day I ran into an old friend that I'd not seen or talked to in a number of years. Back in another time and place we were quite close and for a variety of reasons, we went in different directions.It was really good to see her!  We chatted for a little while, it was nice to see that she was doing well.Since then I've been mentally looking back, to that friendship and several others... replaying the highlight reels, remembering the kindnesses shown, the conversations that took place.  Some of them just pure fun, some of them that served to shift my view of the world perhaps, or at least my view of myself, at a time where my world had dramatically changed, and my self-concept needed a bit of objective feedback to become a bit more accurate and reality based.The three faces that float back in for a re-visit are all three beautiful faces.  One is the face of a 25+ year friend who I still see, but not nearly often enough.  Another is a wise and beautiful soul who completed her journey in the last year or so.   The other is a lovely woman that I dated for a year or so, before Beth and I re-connected after 40-years, discovered that love sometimes grows in places we don't expect, fell in love, married and are now in the happily ever after part of the program.Wonderful Friend #1: A trip to the beach with a dear friend..   at some point in a group of friends, the conversation turned to the fact that despite the proximity to Lake Michigan we all enjoyed, we didn't get to the beach nearly often enough.My friend turned to me and said something like... we should plan a day, go to the beach, have a picnic, do some writing and meditation.  Then quickly added that she was not 'hitting on me'...which made us both laugh.So we put a late September outing in our calendars.The day came it was an unusually warm, beautiful day. We had the beach all to ourselves.  She'd packed a lovely, healthy basket and we sat in the dunes near Little Sable Point Lighthouse and talked and laughed, walked the beach, wrote & generally shared space and stories with each other.With her intelligence, kindness, keen observations (& the photo she took of me that day), she help me gain a new perspective and a new,  more accurate view of who I am.RIP Marianne.  You have a special place in my heart and my history.WONDERFUL FRIEND #2: The best Symphony 'Date' EVER!Sadly there is not a photo that captures this one.  She's been a friend since the late 1980's.  We worked at the same Real Estate Company then. Both of us moved on to other things, and there were some years where we were not in contact.As I look back, I realize that some of the best conversations I had in the late 1980's and early 1990's were sitting in her office.She asked me hard questions about my direction, my choices and my life.  She nudged me in directions that I wasn't apparently ready to go, but never lost faith.  She encouraged me to honor myself and trust what I knew to be true.We reconnected as my life was in the middle of dramatic change.At some point we decided that we would go to dinner  at the 1913 Grill (so sad that it is gone) and to the Grand Rapids Symphony to hear Beethoven's 9th Symphony.  Dinner included martinis, sumptuous food, stimulating conversation and great anticipation of the performance to come.  Then arm-in-arm we strolled down the sidewalk to DeVos Hall and took our seats.  I'm guessing we made a fairly striking couple.I love a big choral work when I can get one, so as the Ode to Joy was getting ready to begin, I had to physically ground myself into my seat.  I'd listened to this work so many times I knew I was about to go into sensory overload... and I wanted to be ready.  I think I may have looked like the guy in the ad for the speakers where his hair is being blown back. There was so much beauty and richness going on that I had to close my eyes, lest my systems short out from the overload.Over a nightcap at the Lumber Baron Room, before we each went to our homes, she told me that she'd not seen anyone do the serious prep and hunkering down to get ready for some powerful music, as I had.It was such a lovely, easy, evening.  All senses sated.  It is a night I will remember warmly until my final day. (many years from now :) )I have a lot of 'favorite' events in my life.  That evening, is quite high on the list.BONUS: Beth and I have enjoyed some dinner/performance evenings with this lovely woman.  I'm happy to report that the two of them also hit it off.Over those years, she saw in me things I wouldn't allow myself to see.  She gently and patiently held up a mirror and challenged me to look deeply within it to see the reality.  We've laughed and cried together, sometimes within minutes of each other.  She has been, is and will continue to be one of those friends that you treasure so deeply, you cannot imagine a life in which they do not play a significant role.Who doesn't have room in their life for a person who is so incredibly warm, generous, intelligent, kind, well travelled, smart and supportive.  I am honored to call her friend.WONDERFUL FRIEND #3: Now the story about the catalyst for this reflection... the woman I ran into unexpectedly last weekend.We connected via a dating site, very likely too early in newly almost single life (while the divorce was overdue to be completed).  One of the dating site photos of me that captured her attention, is the one above, taken at an area where her family had vacationed for years when she was growing up.We saw each other for a little over a year.  We enjoyed so many of the same things and had conversations every time we were together that were intense, enjoyable, paradigm shifting and much more.She is a Child Psychologist, and I used to laugh that given how childish I can be, it was a perfect fit.If I'm being honest, as a college dropout who believed that made me somewhat intellectually inferior, the PhD part intimidated me a bit.  For most of my life, I'd figured I was average or possibly below average on the intelligence scale.   But among the many things this woman showed me was that despite my false belief, I was not 'less than' anyone I encounter in my life.Among her many gifts, she was also a wonderful photographer.  On two occasions we ventured out and she shot a bunch of photos of me.  At the beach, in my garden, in my Ministerial Robes... and while I've never liked having my photo taken, when she and I reviewed the photos, I saw myself in a totally different light than I'd ever seen.  Her keen eyes, great talent and her verbal narrative of what she saw in those photos were powerful for me.To this day,  they are some of my favorite photos.  I still sometimes hear her voice and words in my head.  Words that remind me of what I allow myself to forget, words that help me keep putting one foot in front of the other.These are three examples of wonderful people who have stepped into my life at various times.  They are part of a very long list of people I'm so incredibly grateful to know.On the overall, I realize that if I can live in a space where I can look for and see the beauty in good times and bad, and can remember that each of the people who have come into my life have done so at my request to play whatever part we have agreed to play together, for a wide variety of reasons, it makes the sweet times sweeter, and changes my perception the challenging times and people, and puts me in gratitude even for them.  

From the Archives 12/5/2010... And so we begin

The essence of this book is to help the initiate to know and believe, to trust and to grow in their connection to Spirit.

Each of us comes into a physical life with a wonderful group of angelic attendants who watch over us, who know the ‘big picture’ and contracts that are in play for our lives.What most don’t realize- or more accurately, don’t remember, is that you really planned and scripted every event, every character in your life.

That can be a head scratching concept when you experience what you perceive as ‘pain’ or ‘sadness’.  When in reality, each act, each outcome is a gift, a reflection of your creators perfect love, and belief in you as a Divine Being.

For you to get to the point where you recognize this as truth, and to be able to look closely, without bias, at each player and act, to see why you wrote it the way you did, to realize that the players who present you with pain do so, at your request to help you achieve some outcome you want changes everything.

In my life, I recently discovered that there was a person, who lifetime after lifetime loved me enough to agree to be a person who stabbed me in the back, leaving all sorts of knives, daggers and axes behind as reminders, as burrs under my saddle to get me to look for the lesson.It turns out, the multiple lifetime process was designed to get me to claim my full power as a Divine being.  To get me where I shed the collection of weapons that were in my body and accept a spirit of thankfulness that this person loved me enough to do this difficult work.

It was interesting to see how the nature of that relationship changed as the weapons were removed, and the gratitude was expressed.  The relationship now feels as if the reason we were in each other’s lives has been satisfied and it feels very likely that we now go on our separate directions, but without regret, without anger, but with a spirit of gratitude and thanksgiving.

The experience with this person has been a catalyst for re-examining the basis of other relationships to see how the ‘new’ perspective may shed light on what has appeared as dark or broken.

I am finding that in almost every case, there is good reason to shift from disappointment or anger to gratitude,  grace and thanksgiving. 

How powerful is that? To realize that every player in my life is delivered to me important information and wonderful teachings. To know that if I recognize them as such will help me live as the best, true to my purpose self I can be.

Being thankful for the gifts they bring feels much better than what I previously felt.So in the long run, to step out of the need to be right, to win, to control, serves each person beautifully.If instead, I can dwell in a state of peace and grace, looking for lessons in all I find, looking at every other energy I meet as being part of Source for my journey will be blessed.

Many times we miss obvious but gentle messages because they are so subtle, so the Universe has to double back with a stronger hand to get our attention. But when you live from your heart and spend time each day away from the distractions that interrupt your real life, you will find that quiet place, that peaceful place where you have a direct perfect connection to Source and therefore your truth.

That space will become so comfortable for you, so nurturing that you will want to spend more and more time there, and eventually will find your way to live in that state at all times- as you go about attending to the details in your life.

For me, the evidence that I was spending at least some of my time there, was confirmed by a good number of people in my external life who without any prompting, commented on my apparent peacefulness, my radiant glow, how good they always felt when in my presence.It makes me wonder if, as more and more people approach their peacefulness if we will see evidence in the world of spreading peacefulness.That will be a huge blessing!

I accuse myself of spending entirely too much time in my head, over thinking things. But I am finding the reality to be something different from that.

I do evaluate, contemplate and replay various aspects of my life, but now it feels more like I’m making certain that I always am in alignment.  I will recognize it quickly when only a slight adjustment is needed to re-align. 

8/11/2016

While I'm revisting my old journals, it's proving to be a really good reminder of some of the roads I've travelled, some of the lessons I've learned and maybe most importantly, the tools and meditations that I've discovered along the way.

Those were some wild days.  Not necessarily in the fun, crazy acting behavior wild... but with large and small changes in every aspect of my life.I did discover that for me, it became a time to examine my internal and external world.  To clean out my garage, my storage areas, my closet, my heart, my mind, my relationships.In all those areas there can be things that cannot make the rest of the journey, and for the good of everyone involved, honoring the completion of that relationship is what has to happen.