100 Blessings a Day- Meander back Monday...
Working on my Forgiveness Workshop last week, I was reminded how overlapping concepts enhance things. So I went back to a writing I did in November of 2008 about Gratitude.With the exception of #11, this list an stand. And with minor modification, 11 can stay. Let's make #11 read... Being a part of a couple very much love!So here were my thoughts in 2008, that still stand, despite the miles travelled and lessons learned along the way."In a few hours, I'm delivering a talk entitled "Thank You, Thank You Very Much" at a Sunday night service that I regularly participate in at The Coptic Center in Grand Rapids. The focus of this talk is obviously gratitude, and leading up to Thanksgiving week, it seems appropriate.We live in a world that feels pretty upside down and uncertain at this moment, but I believe that before long the dust will begin to settle, we'll hopefully have learned some large and small lessons about how we brought about this mess, so we may steer a different course that leads to a different outcome.Despite the disarray that's evident in our world, there is MUCH to be Thankful for, EVERY DAY.I recently heard a sermon by Rev. Larry Farris who was a guest preacher at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Grand Rapids. Larry told the story of a guest lecturer when he was in seminary, a Rabbi who challenged the group to give thanks EVERY DAY for 100 BLESSINGS. He said that if you couldn't come up with 100 every day, it was likely you weren't playing quite enough attention.Part of my talk today will include the concept of giving THANKS for 100 Blessings a Day. SO I thought I'd share 50 of mine from today in case it might cause you to think about how blessed you are.. and maybe be a catalyst for a new or renewed commitment to thankfulness in your life.50 Blessings I'm Thankful For Today
A beautiful sunrise, a beautiful sunset
A good night's sleep
Strong coffee in the morning
My family
The love and support of dear friends
The long beautiful fall we've enjoyed
The magnificent beauty of winter to come
My limitless Universal supply
The sight of young couples in love
The sight of old couples in love
The promise of someday me being part of a couple in love
For Beethoven's 9th
For Mozart's Requiem
For laughter
For tears
For the emotional excavation that large life course changes bring
For excruciating decisions that lead to great outcomes
A baby's smile
An elder's wisdom
For abundant synchronicities
A daughter who makes my heart swell in pride & my eyes well up in love
A son who is following his passion and has been a great role model for me
Uplifting books
A well mixed vodka martini
The view from my patio
The angels in our path who show us the way
Crosby Stills Nash and Young
Broadway's "Rent"
Singing at the top of my lungs going down the road
Movies that make me laugh
Movies that make me cry
Butterflies
Hummingbirds
Hawks
AHA moments
Lake Michigan
The joy of spending time in my own head
The energy of this place
Each of YOU!
Insights
Heartaches
Heartbreaks
Radiant good health
Meditation
Inspiring words of the Masters
....of Sages
....of Friends
Grilled Salmon
A peaceful heart
Being able to share my thoughts and beliefs with you.
There. I have spotted you 50- you come up with your 50- to make the 100.
There is certainly room in my life for more blessings, more business, more friends. But I believe that if I'm focused on the amazingly long list of blessings that I already have, I pave the way for more to slide on in easily.Written 6/23/14
Rearranging my life..
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Many years ago, my kids figured out that if I was having a 'bad' week, or if there was extra stress and frustration in my life, they'd likely come home to find that the furniture had been rearranged. I jokingly said that I was expressing my dissatisfaction with my life through the creative rearranging of furniture. It became sort of a standing joke... but in hindsight it may well have been more than that.On some level, I recognized that things were not as I wanted them ideally, and while moving furniture wasn't necessarily the most direct route to whatever it was I was missing/seeking, it was something.Fast forward to a few years ago. I was a middle aged divorced man, not dating anyone, interested in eventually being in a healthy, loving, mutually beneficial & respectful relationship. More than that, I knew that there was an amazing woman walking toward me. I had given her the name Gwen, and we 'talked' often, even though I did not know who she was, I knew how she felt, how she made me feel. I knew that I would know, and that each day, we were getting closer.There was a fair amount of self evaluation going on, over these years, and realizations about myself, in some cases surprising, others troubling, floated in on a regular basis.One realization was a belief that I'd lived my life to that point, to a large degree focused on the needs and desires of others. Spouse or significant other, kids, clients, church, volunteer service, with the promise to myself that 'if there was time' or 'if there was energy' when everything else had been handled, everyone else's needs met, I'd focus on what I needed and wanted.But even with kids grown, with no spouse or significant other (in that moment), I never seemed to get around to me.It felt like I'd been living in a small box. Too small for a person of my size, to be sure. I felt like I'd become more uptight, angry and frustrated than I wished to remain.So as I pondered that a bit, I realized that at least figuratively, it was time to let my hair down a bit. Interestingly, at about the time the 'hair down' realization landed, I had an appointment with the magician who does my hair, Ben at SalonRE.As always, as I sat in the chair, Ben asked me what I wanted him to do. Unlike my normal answer of 'just clean it up/tighten it up', I told him the story of feeling like it was time to let my hair down in my life, and asked what better way to support that change than by letting my hair down? So I chose to grow my hair from it's fairly close cropped style to a bit looser, longer, more relaxed.And for a couple of years, we played around with how long is too long, how wild is too wild, how could I walk the line of letting my hair down without looking like a silly old man who was afraid of being his age.During that process, Beth came into my life, turns out she is and was GWEN, the wonderful, beautiful, loving person I knew was walking toward me. We both knew it very quickly (at the time, some said TOO quickly, but when you know, you know).Among the huge number of delightful things I discovered as the relationship with Beth grew, and as we planned and then held our wedding, just 6-months after reconnecting (we'd known each other 40-years earlier), and in the almost 2-years we've been married now, was how amazing it felt to have a beautiful woman who loves me, run her fingers through my hair as we were driving down the road.It wasn't lost on me, that the rearranging of furniture had become the rearranging of the hairs on my head. Expressing the need for an outward change in my life, triggered by the need for an inward change. The need for a change of perspective, or change in thinking, to lead me to the outcome I desired.A few months ago, my life was feeling incredibly out of control. The job I was working was demanding, the pace we were going was unsustainable and there were days that my life felt like I was going 90 mph down the road in a bus. On one side was a bent rim, on the other a soft tire, and the driver was off his meds (acknowledging that as always, I am the person who is driving MY bus). Day by day, my stress built, my realization that it was time for one of the more significant life changes I was likely to complete.As I looked at that, our furniture at home was not in need of movement. So as I sat in Ben's chair and he asked me what I was thinking, I reminded him of the reason I'd grown my hair out...because had been time to let my hair down. I went on to explain that my life was feeling totally out of control, and as I looked at my fairly long hair, it occurred to me that and outward change to a more controlled, cleaner cut on the outside could help me regain a bit more control on the inside.We talked a bit, and because I trust that Ben has a better handle on what would and would not look good with my hair, I asked him a question. I said: "If I walked in the door today, looking like I look, and said I wanted a different look, what would you do?" Not giving him time to answer, I said: "Do that."When Ben and I first met, I told him that I only had two rules when it came to my haircuts. 1st and foremost, I never wanted to walk out of his shop and have people point and laugh and 2nd, I made him promise that given the number of hairs on the top of my head that had decided that life was not worth living, before they exited, that when the day came that it was time to go totally bald on top, or buzzed or whatever, that he should not hesitate to tell me.So it was a leap of faith, somewhat, that I turned my hair over to Ben. And I'm happy to report that so far at least, no one has pointed and laughed, and I'm not rockin' the Kojak.As I'm writing this, I know that there is more to the story than just furniture and hair. (you were hoping that, right?) For me, it's about the changes that are going to come into our lives, whether we are ready or not, whether we realize they are coming, or not, and what we do with them.In the area of leap of faith, I resigned from a Corporate position I'd held for almost 3-years earlier this spring. Now, I still list and sell real estate and likely will continue to. But much of my focus is on my Lifestyle Engineer practice. It is the building of a totally new business, in a field that while I've utilized the skills and knowledge in the other parts of my personal and professional life, for many years, THIS has never been the primary focus until now.It is an interesting place to be. And some of the old 'issues' that have poked their head up over the years are poking up with a bit more insistence that it will not be enough for me to rearrange the furniture, or to rearrange my hair. This time, the pieces of this puzzle are the foundational pieces upon which my new business will be built, and consequentially the modified foundation for the way that Beth and I will very slowly grow old together.So I'm taking time to honor that call, knowing that if I rush past, I'll need to double back and deal with it properly, or worse yet, I'll get knocked off my feet by a Universal 2x4 that will make it necessary for me to heal from the wake-up call before I double back to deal appropriately with what is called for.It appears that the buzz words for the moment are Beth, love, joy, detachment from outcomes, forgiveness, allowing, meditation, music, grace, peace, intention, bourbon and an occasional cigar.I'm committed that rather than stirring up the furniture or getting a wild haircut, this time I will take my time, enjoy the ride, honor my process, love unconditionally, ACCEPT love unconditionally and live as the man I came here to be.Join me? Written June 11, 2014
Transformational Forgiveness
Of all my experiences with forgiveness, there is one that will likely be remain as the one told most often for the remainder of my life. It proved to me, beyond any doubt whatsoever that there is transformational healing power in forgiveness.7 years ago, I was given a forgiveness meditation that was labeled "The Theatre of the Mind". As I read over the process, I liked it. It was simple and straight forward. It did not require anything but my intention and a few minutes where I got very quiet and visualized the process.So that evening, I decided to take this exercise for test drive. I did not have to look far to find a suitable 'subject' for the exercise (focused of course on someone other than myself who I needed to forgive). Despite the fact that over the decades, I'd focused a lot of forgiveness work at my father, I figured just like a kitchen floor, there could be a bit of yellow wax build-up in the corners that this could eliminate.So to the Theatre I went, focused the process on Duane and did the visualizations that were outlined in the instructions. At the end of the process, I added... "I carry with me no scar of any kind from this relationship." I was thinking mental or emotional scars.. not even considering physical scars.I wrapped up the process, and didn't think too much about it. It felt good, felt productive... end of subject. That is, until the next evening I was washing my face, which until that moment had always been a fairly mundane part of my day. But on this night, my forehead felt different. As I washed the soap away I discovered that a scar and bump that had resided on my forehead for about 35 years from a run in with a canoe paddle that had been launched from my father's hands when I was 13 or 14 was gone. 100%, completely vanished from my face. No bump, no scar, nothing.You hear of people having moments when they cannot believe their eyes. This was one of those moments for me. I rubbed the spot, tipped my head at various angles in the light, up close to the mirror, back and forth, not believing that it as even possible that this sort of physical transformation could take place. And then my own words came back to me. "I carry with me no scar of any kind from this relationship." I guess I wasn't kidding when I said that.Since that day, I have listened to and read as much material about forgiveness as I could. I've attended and presented workshops on the subject and have shared various exercises and forgiveness tools whenever an opportunity presents. Because I believe that much of what creates disorder in our lives and in our world is an inability or unwillingness to forgive, ourselves and others.I believe that the lack of forgiveness, of ourselves and others can and does impact our health, our weight, our relationships, our happiness and our world.But I know how one solitary act of forgiveness changed my physical body. I can't even imagine how that same act changed me on deeper levels. I hope and pray that in some way, the telling of that story, the sharing of the ideas and tools I've worked with will help others to complete some of their own forgiveness work. Each person and the world we occupy can be transformed by the process.June 8 2016 Update:I've doubled back to this post today and linked a recording that I created of the Theatre of the Mind Meditation that is referenced above.Please feel free to use it, download it, share it. Please do not listen to it if you are driving or operating any sort of equipment.If you use it, and experience any wonderful outcomes as a result, I'd love to hear from you!Click Here to Visit the Theater of the Mind
The steps that leave your shoes a little smelly
I marvel at how many times, as I’m talking to people, having sessions with Lifestyle Engineer clients, as people ask me for insight or advice, that experiences of my past float in and seem to be 100% on point. Whether my journey that sometimes has involved picking up something smelly on the bottom of my shoes saves anyone else those slippery steps, or whether my stories provide some degree of optional context that proves to be helpful to them as they navigate THEIR path really doesn't matter.For me, it is reassuring that there is potential for my smelly shoe tales to bring insight and value, beyond the insight and value those moments brought to me.In the telling of the stories, I also tell them to myself, because you cannot speak without hearing what you are saying, and that telling is a reminder for me of what I am sharing and the lessons that it brings.I’ve been a big fan of clichés… because many times there is a TON of truth in the simple statements. So the concept of the teacher appearing when the student is ready rings true. That you teach best, what you most need to learn, has slapped me a long side the head on many occasions.So in preparation for my Forgiveness Workshop next month, I’ve been wondering where in my life, I need to extend some forgiveness. Not surprising, as I sat at the base of my favorite tree on Memorial Day, some old faces popped into my head. While attempting to not resist, I have to admit there were a couple that prompted the thought “OH, I thought I was through with you!” to surface. But one-by-one I looked at them, tried to wrap my brain around what was left in each case to get to peaceful detachment, to be done.It’s funny, when you ask, and then get quiet and listen, what can be heard. So it was a reminder that sometimes it’s like peeling an onion. Perhaps one layer must be resolved before you can go to the next. Perhaps the tears generated by one layer must be cried before the next layer is ready to be addressed.What is remarkable is that even with what I believed was a fairly conscious awareness of forgiveness in my life, and a commitment to live in a way (to the degree that I can) where I don’t generate need for giving or receiving forgiveness, there was still a pretty good lineup. Nothing debilitating mind you, nothing that was making me twitch, or cry, or rage… apparently it was content to just run in the background like an antivirus program, until I was ready to take another look.Forgiveness has deep roots with me. And I’ll resist my normal impulse to use disclaimers about how my life has not been any different, more traumatic etc than anyone else’s because I don’t know that, and am ready to stop minimizing the various parts of my life that have shaped me into who I am.What I do know, is that without every person who is or has been a part of my life, without every step that I've taken, smelly or pleasant, I would not be who I am, I would not be where I am. As I look at the who and where of my current life, it's GREAT! So I am grateful to all who have played a part in the process, especially the ones who loved me enough to put me in what I may have believed at the time was a dark, impossible place, those who hurt me deeply, but also those who were always nearby to love, and hold and assure me. You have all played the role we agreed you would play, and for that I am, and will always be grateful. Admittedly, there are a few of you for whom I'm also grateful that you played your part and then exited! :)
The beginning, tales from the journey on The Road to Happyville
Today as I drove to the office, I finished listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer’s most recent book “I Can See Clearly Now!”I’ve been a fan of Dr. Dyer for decades! Sometime in the 70’s, I saw him speak in Bay City Michigan. The pastor of the church I attended at that time was nearly a twin to Dr. Dyer, and was selected to do the introduction. I was so impressed to see him in person, and to hear what he had to say. As I began my listening to this most recent work, I had at several points, thoughts of resistance pop into my head. Critical thoughts about his writing or verbal delivery. So as I’m prone to do, I took some time to consider the basis of those thoughts. Who were they really about? What did they mean? Where were they serving me, if at all? Why were they surfacing? How could I get past them to receive whatever was in the material that would be helpful to me at this time?The realization crept in that my resistance really had nothing to do with Dr. Dyer, or the materials he recorded. It was, as so many things are, an inside job. Me allowing my ego? Doubt? Fear? To keep me from being in the moment, to keep me from granting myself the grace to RECEIVE what is being presented to me.So on that basis, I hit the play button again and heard a totally different book than I would have, if I would have stayed in that resistance burdened mind, or perhaps worse yet, had foolishly made the decision that there was nothing of value to be heard.That thought makes me wonder if I might want to revisit some books and recordings I’ve set aside over the years to see if my own self-imposed limitations have kept me from RECEIVING, DIGESTING and INTEGRATING thoughts and concepts that I may not have been ready for then, but could benefit from now.The theme of the month appears to be ALLOWING! It’s not a new theme, and if I had to guess, it’s come back for another round because in the past, I’ve not excelled in that area. It seems like that could be the way it works. People, thoughts, challenges get presented to give us an opportunity to reach higher, to grow in awareness, perhaps to leave counterproductive behaviors and choices behind. If we get where we want to be/need to be, we move along to whatever is next. If we do not, just like in school, we get to repeat the lesson over and over… with greater consequences for non-completion.As if to make it perfectly clear to me that ALLOWING is the deal right now, I have a set of art cubes that were gifted to me a number of years ago. The friend who created them, placed words, phrases and art work that she knew had specific meaning and connection to me. Each of the six cubes is different, but because she and I had talked extensively about my struggle with ALLOWING…each of the cubes have one face that simply says ALLOW.Each day, I roll the cubes like dice and arrange what I find on my desk. Multiple times in the last week ALLOW was the only word or phrase visible. The other 5 cubes just had images without words. This MIGHT mean something.Even as I write this, I realize that even the act of carving out a block of time to put words to paper, is a step in allowing that I’ve not honored before. My focus and attention are completely on this writing, and that feels a bit foreign, yet really good.So with an awareness of NOW of being in each moment, of ALLOWING myself to not need to direct everything that is going on in the world (while at the same time realizing that the world has turned wonderfully well without my hands on the controls for many centuries), I intend to let go, to allow, to listen and honor what I see, hear and feel.Stay tuned for updates on what I find in my life. I seem to gain some clarity in taking time to write things down, and I hope that in some manner, for anyone who reads what I write, there is something of value for you on the page.