A Mexican Moment of Clarity 2009
Another writing, pulled from the archives. This from a solo trip as an almost divorced man in 2009 to Mazatlan Mexico.
So sitting in the sand, I gave thanks- for all the love and support I'd been given all the time that had been provided, all the insights that had been shared. Insights that propelled me down my path to this beautiful and peaceful place.It was quite a moment!As I walked back to my resort, I was calf deep in the Pacific. Feeling that with each wave, I was washed and purified, but more than that, I was refreshed, replenished and renewed.You see, there was room now, without all the stored up pain, anger, bitterness and fear gone, for new energy, love, light and joy to move into those spaces. I visualized the power of the ocean washing me clean and filling me completely.It's been over a week since this epiphany and I can say honestly that the glow I feel is growing, the joy I recognize in my life is great, and answers to some of my nagging questions have floated in.Life is, as my friend Jim Campbell says; "Better and Better."
Now back to 2016:As I excavate through old journals, it's interesting for me to read about what I was thinking, experiencing, learning over those years.For me, there are good reminders of how rich and juicy life can be when I allow it.While I don't want to go back and experience much of what happened then, I'm grateful that all of it did happen... which doesn't suggest that I did not choose every bit of it, I was not a bystander to the process, I created it... walked through it... survived it...learned from it. There are reminders of things I've allowed myself to forget or to stop doing.So just as I'm reminded of some truths that were revealed about me and about my life, it is my hope that something in these words that I share, will support what you are doing, will provide a little light for your journey.It's good for me to look back, if only to see how far I've come. It's a huge reminder of how incredibly fortunate I am, and how grateful I am for the life I currently enjoy.Blessings! Written 7/29/2016
From the archives... 4/10/2009
I continue to go back through old writing, certainly not to re-live painful old times or to travel back in any way. I'm in search of those parts of my life and the words that I wrote at various times that might be important parts of my book; The Road to Happyville.Here's one I rediscovered today.Yesterday a settlement was reached and the lawyers are drafting the final documents. In two weeks, the divorce will be final.I celebrated with one small glass of single malt scotch, great conversation - love and support.Today, despite a restful night's sleep, I woke up exhausted. I wondered if it was a couple of later than usual nights in a row, but realized that I was not only tired but felt as if I'd been run over by a truck.A single word floated through my mind... AFTERMATH. Of course! At this moment, other than those last signatures, we are done. Completed. And my body, mind and spirit at once felt the drain that the last year has been.Later in the day I spoke with a dear friend of 20+ years who had held the light for me long before I knew that there was even a light to hold. A woman of great wisdom, strength, intelligence and compassion. As I shared the good news- the tears once again made their way to the surface. More and more gut wrenching sobs, like the ones that were common a year ago when I began the divorce.But the voice on the line reminded me of the load that I had carried. Parts of it since childhood, other parts for decades- the need to walk my walk with confidence- to be open and honest about who I am and where I am going- but to be outwardly strong, perhaps a bit TOO insistent that 'it's all good', 'I'm great!'. I was reminded that it was a long and heavy train I was dragging- and that NOW was the time to see what parts needed to be set aside- to lighten the load from my back.I've grown to respect the truth that if you listening, your questions will be answered. That when you are ready, the teacher will appear.Every step of the last 5-years has been shaped by those who have been put on my path, some to walk with me, some to walk away from me, others to ask wonderful questions- still others to lead me to the wisdom and answers that I already possess.As I hung up the phone, I knew that the tears that filled my eyes were only the tip of the supply- with the Mozart Requiem playing in my ears, I made work of blessing and releasing- of acknowledging the need to make my burden lighter and asked for help in setting down all the parts that will not be with me on the next part of the trip.I climbed in bed- blankets to my chin, pillows over and under my head, with Mozart's incredible work in my ears- and I sobbed and released and dreamed of how light I was going to feel when I woke up.My new life has begun, the old life fades from view. I have no need or desire to go back, to dwell on what was or might have been. May the bright and happy times stay with me always, may the rest fade from view... forever, but I pray the lessons learned will help me each day for the rest of my life.That the cast of characters in my life changes day-by-day. Some who I 'knew' would provide loving support have disappointed. Others who have only been in the distant background have proven to be wise old friends.But the category that pleases me the most are the new people, both men and women who have crossed my path in a variety of ways.People who from almost the first instant have shown themselves to be huge, important parts of my 2nd 1/2.There is no room in my belief system to allow that it was just my lucky good fortune to have them walk-in at the perfect moments.People who 'get me' who see in me, something more than I've ever allowed myself to see when I look in the mirror.While 55 years of habit and conditioning do not disappear overnight, I see a different person when I look in the mirror and probably for the 1st time- I can honestly say that I'm beginning to like what I see.The light bulbs that come on now on a regular basis, Illuminate the illusion I used to hold as true. I see now that in the past, I doubted the sincerity of a compliment or acknowledgement of a job well done because it was largely the opposite of what I held as my truth for many interior and exterior voices had worn away my belief in myself, and had helped me paint a very limited, distorted, damaged picture of who I was.Now I'm starting on new canvas and with the help of many keen observers- and a commitment to myself to see the REAL me, as I redefine my new life, I'm learning to trust.. myself and others as they hold up the mirror to show me who I really am.I will be grateful for the rest of my life to these reality based angels.
Surrender, Ask, Believe, Receive.
Some years ago I reached a point in my life where I wasn't sure things could get a lot more challenging. My real estate business was an accurate reflection of my bad attitude and lack of direction, but also a reflection of a market that had 'corrected' so dramatically it looked and felt like a total crash.In the days leading up to this moment, I had accepted a 2nd shift job at a call center near my home that would allow me to keep the lights on and some food on the table. It was a job that my son had done in high school. I was scheduled to begin work the next day. It was a very humbling place to be.I was seriously at risk of becoming a foreclosure statistic, and frankly was having a difficult time finding a shit to give about it, or much of anything else. Not my proudest moments, not a situation I would wish on anyone, not a stretch of the journey that I care to re-visit, EVER!One morning I was reflecting on all of that and more, when it occurred to me that it might be time to ask for help, to surrender my need to drive the bus and my now obvious false-belief that I could single handedly muscle through anything and everything that I encountered in my life.I went to my meditation space. I lit my candles, put on some music, assumed my position on the rug and got very quiet. I focused on my breathing and then had the most direct conversation with the Creator that I'd ever had. To call it direct is a bit of an understatement actually.It was the type of conversation I'd be inclined to have only inside, hoping that the bolt of lightening that might want to strike me, might be stopped if I was in the house. But it may have been the most open, honest, no nonsense conversation ever!I started by explaining my current struggle, (like my conversation partner did not already know all of it). I admitted that I realized that I'd done everything I knew how to do, and that clearly of myself, I was not able to 'fix' the situation.So I 'explained' that I knew I was not put here to live in that state, that I was no longer willing to live in that way, and that I was handing back control, that I was surrendering my life and situation to a higher power. Without any attachment to the outcome, I stated loud and clear... 'Here's the deal, fix it or take me home, I really don't care which way this goes!" I've never in my life meant words more than those.That conversation complete, I shaved, showered, dressed and headed out for a meeting at the Grand Rapids Association of Realtors. In hindsight, I think that my mood had shifted considerably, but I was no longer focused on anything but the activities of the moments I was living.As I left that meeting, I called the broker I was associated with at the time, to inform him of a positive outcome of the meeting.Unbeknownst to me, he had just completed the buyout of his last partner and was now the sole owner of the company. After I congratulated him on that purchase, he went on to say that he was intending to call me that day. He asked if I was available to meet for a drink.We met late afternoon and over a cocktail or two, he explained that as he was in the negotiation stage of the buy out, he had been looking at what the company needed in terms of skills and personnel to take the it in the direction he wanted it to go. He went on to say that as he explored those needs with some of his upper level managerial staff, it was pointed out to him that I possessed every skill set he was seeking. We talked specifically about what he wanted and needed. He went on to offer me a part-time (to start) position within the leadership of the company. He laid out a salary level that was acceptable and we agreed upon a starting date.I was over the moon excited. It was a company that I'd been with for over 10-years, I believed that with my experience I would be able to help him achieve his goals while at the same time taking a great deal of stress off my life.As I was driving away, I looked skyward and sent up a big thank you! I marveled at how quickly and powerfully my call for help had been answered. Answered from a direction I had never imagined.I worked in that position, which went from part-time to full time in about 20-minutes, for over two years, and found the work to be satisfying and challenging. We made significant changes, most of them for the good.I believe it served me and the company well to have me in that position, until it no longer did. But that is another story for another time.This is not a part of my history that I've previously shared, except occasionally with close friends, face to face. But it was a powerful turning point in my life that remains with me today. The knowledge that despite my strong desire to be self-sufficient, to be the driver of my own bus, there are times that I actually don't need to break my back to carry the load.There are those who are seen and unseen, who if asked will throw their shoulder to the task and help me to produce marvelous outcomes.To this day, I sometimes need to be reminded of that fact. I cannot tell you the number of clients that I've challenged to ask for the help they need, trusting that it is always available to them, just for asking.That whole surrender, ask, believe, receive thing... seems like something I can rely on.
Revisiting the process as I stroll forward..
I'm reading a book I picked up a month or so ago when I attended the Hay House Writers Workshop in Chicago.Nancy Levin was one of the keynote speakers that weekend. She had a compelling story to tell about her life, her writing process, along with a good dose of humor and insight for those of us in the room who aspire to be published authors.I enjoyed her talk enough that I bought a copy of her book: "jump... and your life will appear"Over the last few days, I've begun to read and work with the ideas that Nancy shared and the frank and honest disclosures she makes about her life have once again caused me to reflect back on mine.Those who know me likely know that I'm a touch prone to overthink almost any situation, and like most of us walking around on legs, I seldom hold back in my criticism and harsh treatment of myself. This time though, my approach to myself seems to be a bit kinder. Not totally without a touch of regret here and there, but not the beat myself bloody type of self abuse that used to be quite common.THAT is an awareness I celebrate! It appears to be possible to learn from past choices and then move on with gratitude for what those situations taught me about myself and about the people and world around me.In the opening pages of the book, there is a small segment on forgiveness. When I read it, I really laughed to myself, as it served as the final reminder that forgiveness has been on my mind over the last several weeks. As my thoughts would turn to forgiveness, there would be a few faces and/or situations that would present to me (again) as if to say "we're not quite there yet!" or, "you thought you'd finished with me, but there's still a bit more that needs your attention here!".The places where it appears more might be needed were not a surprise to me in the least. However, there were some faces and names that did not present that I would have likely expected to need to revisit.But as I looked at the people and events that was no longer on the needs attention list, I realized that I was in a good and peaceful place, and felt like the process that was needed had been successfully completed.As it often is, the timing is pretty much perfect. I've been excavating through old files, old writings, old journals as I mine for what has already been written that feels like it is a part of the 1st book. (working title: "The Road to Happyville, hence the name for this blog section of my website). Over the last 7 or 8 years, there are a stack of journals that chronicle my life. There are tales from the journey that as I re-read them make me thankful for every step along the way, each person who stepped in to play the role we had agreed they would play and then either became important, ongoing parts of my life or stepped away upon the completion of what was needed.I've said before that I've become the man I am because of the experiences I've had, the people who have helped teach me what I wanted/needed to learn. The people who have lifted me up, the people who have attempted to extinguish my light and wear down my resolve.It is this last group that I am likely the most thankful for. Though I prefer to interact with the others in my daily life. The ones who I perceived as being evil, unnecessarily harsh, nasty and hateful helped bring me to a place where I was no longer willing to accept their inaccurate vision of who I am. I was no longer willing to roll over and play dead rather than standing proudly with the knowledge that I have skills and gifts and an important part to play in life.Some helped me to see that I'm not a total dumb ass, (though occasionally I can still act like one), others that while I'm happy to carry the load and help in most any way I can, I'm nobody's roadie...that while I don't need the spotlight to shine only on me, I am not willing to stand backstage in the shadows until the show is over.I've lived enough years to know that there's great truth in the idea that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Also, that every person and situation we experience is something we invited, one way or another, and if we are honest as we look at each and every one, there is value to be gained.So, as my reading of old writings is reminding me of tools and processes that were so incredibly powerful and helpful as I needed them that I forgot about them. It's also reminding me of where I've been, the journey I've walked, the way some of my old, very harsh feelings for people and situations that have come and gone, on the overall, I'm good with who I am and where I am.That said, it is once again time to reactivate some of those tools and do what could be the final little bits of clean up relative to a few people and situations who I've allowed myself to hold onto a bit of frustration.My assessment of the amount of work that is needed on these very few situations is that it's fast and easy. But that does not diminish in the least the importance of completion.If you're interested, many of the tools I'll be putting back into action are on my website at RedefiningSuccess.net under the FREE TOOLS section.Help yourself, because by doing that, you will truly be helping yourself.Blessings!
"Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone." ~ Robert Allen author of "The One Minute Millionaire"
Like any business, it's important for me to grow my network. To expand my base and to make sure that more and more people become aware of the work that I do, and the results my clients are achieving with my help.So when my friend and business partner, Dr. Dave Hillis showed me the e-mail from Jo-Anne Eadie the head of the Canadian Hypnotherapy Conference in Toronto later in 2016 I was both excited and uncomfortable.You see, she was seeking people who were interested in making 1-hour presentations about their work at the Conference. The deadline was fast approaching, which is probably a good thing because didn't have time to talk myself out of submitting a proposal.I didn't have time to question what I could possibly bring to the table for other professional hypnotherapists that could help them to be more impactful in the work they do. No time to let my comfort zone rein me in and keep me hidden.So, I submitted my proposal and was promptly accepted. With months to go to fine tune my presentation, Dr. Dave and I talked about doing a joint, 2-hour presentation and let Jo-Anne know that if she needed additional sessions, we'd be happy to do that.Holy Toledo (or perhaps I should say Holy Toronto!) , she said yes!Concepts are swirling, images are flowing, and I'm laying out materials, powerpoint type presentation, deciding what materials I should take, and collaborating with Dr. Dave on training schedules that we want to announce while we are there to sign up people for some of the advanced training we are doing, and the new things we're almost ready to roll out.The slight stress of my venture out of my normal comfort zone had subsided, when another e-mail came in from Jo-Anne offering the opportunity to do a 1-hour interview with Suzie Bowers from HypnoProfessional.com. They have an online radio show The Hypno Power Hour, and Suzie had generously offered to use her program to reach her audience to help promote the Conference.Suzie made the interview process easy and even fun. And now, she's got almost all the interviews ready for prime time and will be e-mailing them out to her subscribers in the weeks to come. (If you'd like to receive them, you can sign up at the link for Hypno Power Hour above).After my interview is run, I'll get an MP3 copy of it that I'll be able to post on my website.So as I type this, I'm asking myself, a lot of questions. Chief among them is the WHY? question. Why am I sharing all this in my blog.There are several answers. I am committed to do what I can to help draw people to the Conference. Additionally, because Suzie was so generous with her time and audience, I want to spread the word about her website and the work that she does. But likely more than anything, this blog is about telling stories with the hope that something I've experienced and chosen to share will strike a chord with someone who is reading the material to challenge them to step through their self-imposed boundaries that might be keeping them from a richer, juicier enjoyment of life.Lord knows, I've got a lot of rules. I expect a lot of myself, and of the people in my life. Sometimes I wonder if my expectations are realistic, and then I remember that Norman Vincent Peale quote;“Shoot for the moon.Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.”What are the areas where you have limited yourself unnecessarily? Are there walls you've built that it might be time to tear down? I'd love to hear about your plans, your goals, your successes, and if you would like to have a conversation about any of it, I'd welcome that opportunity as well.
Audio Blog- The Road Ahead
I located some of the written material that is mentioned in the recording above.Written in Mazatlan Mexico 7 or so years ago."Like so many days in the past 4-years, today promises to be remarkable. I suspect that I will realize as the sun sets into the Pacific- that even if I don't leave this lounge chair today (which is highly likely), that I will have travelled a remarkable distance. Even if nothing seemingly important transpires today, ti will have been a remarkable day."_______________________So among the many parts of my interesting journey, I've come to the realization of how I've 'settled', how I have limited myself and my outcomes- and the daily reminders that in the 2nd 1/2 of my life, it is critical that I remain totally open to the miracles that are readily available to me.I have developed over many decades, an image of myself that is so very limited- so very diminished, so very unworthy. Part of my current work is to SMASH that inaccurate mirror (think fun-house mirror that reflects the opposite of what you really are). And then to install a new mirror that is accurate- is also unwilling to allow me to see things that are not there. A mirror that will say "Oh wait Eric, you need to look deeper- you need to take off your old lenses that misinterpret and distort what you see!"Look at yourself with a charitable eye. There is no upside to approaching your image with a machete!"_________________So as I continue to travel the Road to Happyville, I'm beginning to realize that the destination I once thought was far away, down difficult paths, that required skill tests, jousting and perhaps even a sword fight or two is actually within me, and guess what? It always has been. Talk about a mind blowing concept! That at every moment of every day of my life, I could have chosen to look inside and despite whatever situation I thought I was in, regardless of the pain, anger, disappointment, frustration I perceived, it was all an illusion of my own creation and had I reached in and flipped the switch, the tracks would have shifted and I would have seen Happyville as the illusion vanished.I don't believe that this means that it was unnecessary for me to have the experience of the aforementioned illusions-clearly without those illusions, I may never have come to my realization about my interior Happyville.Is Happyville really something entirely different? Is it really a peaceful place where I am in the presence of the indwelling Creator? I think that it is.So what an interesting turn of events this is. Going from happiness as a concept external to my being, through happiness as a part of my core- that is always with me- always accessible no matter what, and ultimately on to the realization of that which I formerly defined in such limited human terms is now a part of me. The Universal Intelligence. The Creator. Source. Wow, does that change my perception of who I am, who you are and how the world works.So if Happyville is an inside place, if it really is Creator, have I known this on some level and ignored it? Or have I just now processed through enough to see where the road signs pointed?What are the implications of knowing that Happyville/Creator are within? What does that suggest relative to health? To prosperity? To love? At first glance, it appears to suggest that the talk of 'no limits' of 'ye are all Gods' isn't just hyperbole- it appears that those could be the law of the land in Happyville.Then I think about all I've read that in many different ways challenge me to find my happiness within- to go within to find peace- that meditation is the key... and now I see all of those as directional signs, but because they were written in a language I did not speak, I wasn't able to get full advantage from them then."Click Here to listen to the talk
Thoughts from the movie The King's Speech.
More buried treasure from the Eric archives.This was written to myself back in 2010, during the time where I was post divorce, and pre-meeting and marrying Beth. It was a time of self-evaluation and self-discovery. A time of learning, and growing and healing.I recognize in re-reading this 6-years later, that almost all of what I wrote as a 'looking forward to' is now a part of my reality. It begs the question of whether there is a connection between, having the intention, writing it down and welcoming it into my life.There have been many wonderful teachers along the way. Some who presented their agreed upon material and exited my life. Some exited of their choice, others of mine. (as it should be). I'm grateful to each one, but would be less than honest if I didn't disclose that it took me some time, in some cases to get to the place of gratitude. :)__________________________________In 2010, there was a move "The King's Speech". It was a well done, incredibly powerful movie. I watched it multiple times... and looked for some truth, some lessons that applied to me and my life.Here's some of what I wrote down, in case there's any value for you.Some of these were lines delivered to the King by Geoffrey Rush's character:"You cannot be afraid of what happened when you were 5!""Talk to me like I'm the only one in the room Say it to me like you're talking to a friend.""Why are you afraid of your voice- you have a RIGHT to your voice.""If I am not afraid , if I claim my voice, I am back in my power." said by the King.For me, the Geoffrey Rush character was the voice of God.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Looking at my take-aways from the movie got me thinking, and writing.How do these thoughts resonate with you?The realization that I have spent my life making sure that everyone else has gotten what they need- (parents, spouse, siblings, kids, clients, friends, business organizations that I belonged to, church and spiritual organizations I belonged to) and have never really looked at what I needed.I accepted whatever small tokens of thanks like a puppy. I strove to be a 'good boy' by being of service and making very few demands.How did I come to perceive myself to be of such limited value? How did I come to deny my own needs and desires to be of secondary importance? How did I come to be satisfied with scraps of affection, of 'left over' scraps of time and energy?More importantly- how do I find MY voice? My worthiness? My power? What do I do to come to a new understanding of who I am? What I want? What I need? How do I project the new minimum acceptable standards to those in my life?How do I turn the corner to a joyful, fulfilling, love filled life?First, is the realization that I have great value. Period. I do not need to DO anything to be OK, good, great. My joy, for the most part has come from being helpful to others. But, I've never seriously looked at where my true joy comes from.So the mission now, is to look for the roots of MY joy. MY JOY! And to embrace it fully.I enjoy:Beautiful MusicLake Michigan SunsetsDigging in the DirtAmazing Food and BeveragesNice SurroundingsTravelAttending Cultural EventsFine DiningMy Son and DaughterBeautiful FlowersInteresting MoviesA Day of BrowsingTorontoChicagoMazatlanFriendsI look forward to:Having a loving partner- and equal to share time, love, and my bed with.Waking up in her arms with a big smileFeeling her passion and unconditional love and support.Feeling my passion, unconditional love and support of her.My life is VERY good! I have no regrets for choices made. I've never been in a better place.I want to be mindful at all times for how blessed my life is."________________It is my intention by sharing these glimpses of my thoughts and my life, that someone will see thoughts and words that help them move forward in their journey.Blessings!
Do you remember the idea that when you point your finger at someone, there are three pointing back.... yea, that!
A number of years ago, I was pretty frustrated with great big pieces of my life. I had always found that sitting down with pen and paper could help me clarify my thinking, vent my frustration and sometimes in the process have moments of clarity about ways to shift my thinking in good and productive ways.So the Observations written below, were actually aimed at someone else. They contained a large helping of anger and frustration... but an interesting thing happened as I read and re-read them. The realization of the old adage of three fingers pointing back, when you're pointing one... combined with the idea that everything that presents in your life, is there to mirror back to you something about yourself made me go hmmmm.OBSERVATIONS
For each person, the mission is to IMPROVE YOURSELF. However, if you are focusing on all that is wrong with everyone or everything around you, you will not see the things about yourself that you could or should improve upon.
When you start to believe that everyone you encounter in your world is a Jerk, it’s time to evaluate what you see in the mirror.
You can never be TOO KIND or TOO GENTLE.
If you continually push everyone in your life away from you, it will get easier and easier because they will gradually stop coming back.
If you put down all the baggage you carry from your childhood, your children, your job, your spouse, you will probably have more energy at the end of the day to enjoy the beauty that could be your life.
There is no situation that cannot be made worse by behaving badly about it. (THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE!)
If you do not begin to appreciate and respect the people in your life, and all the good in your life, you will turn into an old, bitter, sickly person who no one can stand to be around. They will choose to not be around you.
All the ugliness that you refuse to let go of collects within you. The ugliness multiplies and festers. At some point and in some way, it has to come out. God help the person who gets to wear what comes out.
It has been said that you will about as happy as you make up your mind to be. Those are truly words to live by. Everything in your life is a result of the choices you have made. If you do not like what you see in your life, change the way your think about your life. Examine yourself to see what you are doing, what you are choosing, what you are thinking, to invite into your path the things you find there.
And then… LET IT GO!Written 2/12/2016
Some reflections on the ocean
Because I'm a very lucky man, I'm sitting on our balcony overlooking the Atlantic Ocean as I write this. It's an 80 degree, partly cloudy day with a nice breeze coming in off the ocean.Earlier this morning, I took my 2.5 mile walk up and down the beach... partly for some exercise, but also for a bit of walking meditation, some conversation with the ocean (Universe, God, whomever it is, I talk to in those moments.)You see, big water, whether it's Lake Michigan close to home, or one of the oceans, has a tendency to take my breath away. I am in awe of the beauty, the power and the lessons that are seemingly contained there. If fact, it would not be at all an overstatement for me to say that I NEVER feel closer to SOURCE than I do with my feet in the sand while the waves wash over me.I stopped at one point today, and stood facing the ocean. I stretched out my arms to open my heart and to take in all that was in front of me.As I scanned the horizon, I said outloud... "you are so beautiful!" and heard "and so are you!" then I said "You are so incredibly powerful!" and heard "and so are you!"The realization that like everything that presents to me in my life is a mirror, showing me what I like and don't like about myself, reflecting back to me who I am and where I am in any moment floated in, and I was in awe.So as I walked along, my thoughts flitted around a bit, like the little birds that were dodging the waves while trying to grab whatever goodies the surf had delivered.But mostly, they were thoughts of the aspects of the ocean, the aspects of the world we live in, and the parallels to my life.Here are some of the thoughts that floated through and likely some questions that those thoughts raised.The ocean is BEing what it was created to BE.The ocean goes with the flow. It does not appear to be trying to be anything other than what it is.The surface might appear to be very calm, or slightly agitated, or incredibly churned up, but that is only the surface.While I cannot be positive, I would bet that under the surface, regardless of what the surface is showing me, there are incredible currents and perhaps even larger power than the surface waves generate.Also under that surface is an infinite amount of life. plants are growing and all manner of sea creatures are living and dying, trying to not be consumed by the larger, hungrier sea creatures.And if the message I believe I received about all of that being a reflection of who I really am... I may need to take a slightly different view of what I see when I look in the mirror.So, the questions that rose up were things like...How would my outcomes be different, if, rather than seeing myself as small and unimportant, I saw myself as majestic and powerful?And If I were able to ALLOW myself to just BE who I was created to be, what would be different?And what would I be DOING as that highest version of myself?And what would I not be doing, that I currently do?If I continue the image of all of the life swirling and swimming below the surface of the ocean, what sort of energy and life is swimming within me? What can I do to make certain that it is an incredibly healthy environment for that energy and life to be of the highest possible quality?With each step I took, I realized that the grains of sand, shifted to absolutely conform to the shape of my foot. That every molecule of my foot was completely and totally supported. That every step of my journey has the full support of the Universe.This is an image that I use with clients every week. But to experience it in real time, with real sand was beautiful and compelling.So my point in sharing these thoughts today is as a reminder to myself, that the only limits I have are self-imposed. That there is enormous power when I get out of the way and live as the being I was created to be.If it's true for me, I would suggest that it is also equally true for you.So as I continue to walk.. I will attempt to hold the image of the ocean (whether I'm right here beside it, or back at home).. and remember that every step is fully supported, and that when I stop striving to be better, when stop delaying my joy until some artificial goal is met, when I just walk and talk, and live and love and laugh and cry as the man that I am, everything else will as if by magic fall beautifully into place.I wish no less than that for you!Blessings!
Once it attacks... it can never be trusted again... a gall bladder tale
My mind went to my shout out to all the aspects that I wanted out of my body...and the order that they get on the bus that was leaving.. and it was almost like each of those pebbles probably had a name or a situation attached to them.
A couple of months ago as the days and weeks were flying by, seemingly faster and faster, an awareness floated in again that I was carrying more anger, more frustration, less patience than might be ideal.So once again, I began the process of releasing, forgiving, recognizing that every person and situation that presented itself to me was there at my request, presenting what I needed in that moment (whether I recognized it or liked it or not).And just when I was feeling good about the awareness and my belief that I was being pro-active in dealing with my life, I got a bit of a Universal 2x4 wakeup call.On a Friday evening, at the end of a busy but uneventful week, my body staged a coup. Digestive system discomfort the likes of which I'd not experienced before (though hindsight being 20/20, I realized later that there had been a previous, milder episode or two that I had blown off as something that did not need any attention).This time, my body was not going to take ignore as a possibility... so when on Saturday afternoon I was still uncomfortable, Beth and I made the cross-town trip to the Metro ER where they gave me a shot that had me comfortable and perhaps a bit goofy within minutes... they poked, prodded and performed an ultrasound to confirm the Dr.'s initial belief that my body was under attack from my gall bladder.Diagnosis confirmed, they instructed me to call a surgeon on Monday and sent me home with some additional meds to keep me comfortable.A couple of days later, the surgeon strongly urged me to have the offending gall bladder removed asap. I agreed, knowing that once my gall bladder attacked me and laid me out for the weekend, it could never be trusted again. So surgery was scheduled for the following Monday.As I'm prone to do, I spent a good part of the week looking at the situation for the lessons I suspected were being presented. I looked for what in my thoughts and beliefs might have contributed to creating this outcome.At some point, it occurred to me that I had been fairly galled in many areas of my life, despite living a life that is rich with blessings, and I know it. This was more confirmation of the need for continued work to adjust my attitude, my approach, my expectations, and some release and forgiveness work.The morning of the surgery, as I was preparing myself, the surgical team and space with Reiki I became aware of an additional opportunity that this surgery presented. So I set an intention and communicated it to the thoughts, beliefs, anger and frustration that I was carrying, that there was a bus leaving my body that morning, and I wanted them on it.Any thoughts or beliefs that did not support my highest good. Any and all people and situations where I was holding a grudge where forgiveness was needed.. and on it went. I visualized the gathering in the area of soon to be gone gall bladder... and expressed my gratitude for the cooperation of all involved.From my standpoint, the surgery came off without a hitch. All of the medical professionals were great! They took outstanding care of me from start to finish.When I came out of my drug induced stupor Beth was there, and extremely stressed. She told me that the surgery had taken almost twice as long as had been estimated and that delay had her pretty stressed and worried.But from she heard from the surgeon, it seems that when the he made the normal incisions and had the camera and equipment in place, they discovered a most unusual (and large) gall stone. It was a size and shape he'd not seen before, and and the surface of it was apparently covered in a large number of smaller gall pebbles that had joined the party. (sound familiar?)It was stubborn in being removed, and required the incision to be expanded... and a bit more tugging and pulling that was routine.My mind went to my shout out to all the aspects that I wanted out of my body...and the order that they get on the bus that was leaving.. and it was almost like each of those pebbles probably had a name or a situation attached to them.As my thinking became clearer, I realized that overall, I felt incredible. Lighter, more peaceful.. so I took a little mental inventory of the people and situations that a few hours before had galled me... and felt nothing but neutral...and as the days have worn on, I'm finding that gentler state has remained.At my 10-day, post surgery followup, I quizzed the surgeon about the somewhat unexpected gallstone. He confirmed, almost word-for-word what Beth had told me...he confirmed that he'd not seen anything quite like that before.So I offered up for his consideration what I've shared above. From his facial expression and body language, I believe that my understanding and explanation may have been something he hadn't encountered or considered before. But, given the gallstone collection he'd removed, the likes of which he'd not seen before, it seemed to make sense.For me, whether he did or did not disagree was not of great significance. That he described 'my creation' in a way that made perfect sense to me and would likely have been the result of the intention I set was enough.That post surgery, the changes that I felt were well beyond changes that the absence of a rogue gall bladder could create was most telling.Then I realized that even if I'd not been undergoing surgery that morning, I could have had the exact same outcome just by the realizations, the intention and the release.So if I might, I'll make a suggestion. If you find yourself a bit galled by aspects of your life, it might be a good idea to be more pro-active than I was in the neutralizing and elimination areas. It could save you the time, trouble, expense and pain of having to have the outcome surgically removed.Blessings! Written 10/9/2014
100 Blessings a Day- Meander back Monday...
Working on my Forgiveness Workshop last week, I was reminded how overlapping concepts enhance things. So I went back to a writing I did in November of 2008 about Gratitude.With the exception of #11, this list an stand. And with minor modification, 11 can stay. Let's make #11 read... Being a part of a couple very much love!So here were my thoughts in 2008, that still stand, despite the miles travelled and lessons learned along the way."In a few hours, I'm delivering a talk entitled "Thank You, Thank You Very Much" at a Sunday night service that I regularly participate in at The Coptic Center in Grand Rapids. The focus of this talk is obviously gratitude, and leading up to Thanksgiving week, it seems appropriate.We live in a world that feels pretty upside down and uncertain at this moment, but I believe that before long the dust will begin to settle, we'll hopefully have learned some large and small lessons about how we brought about this mess, so we may steer a different course that leads to a different outcome.Despite the disarray that's evident in our world, there is MUCH to be Thankful for, EVERY DAY.I recently heard a sermon by Rev. Larry Farris who was a guest preacher at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Grand Rapids. Larry told the story of a guest lecturer when he was in seminary, a Rabbi who challenged the group to give thanks EVERY DAY for 100 BLESSINGS. He said that if you couldn't come up with 100 every day, it was likely you weren't playing quite enough attention.Part of my talk today will include the concept of giving THANKS for 100 Blessings a Day. SO I thought I'd share 50 of mine from today in case it might cause you to think about how blessed you are.. and maybe be a catalyst for a new or renewed commitment to thankfulness in your life.50 Blessings I'm Thankful For Today
A beautiful sunrise, a beautiful sunset
A good night's sleep
Strong coffee in the morning
My family
The love and support of dear friends
The long beautiful fall we've enjoyed
The magnificent beauty of winter to come
My limitless Universal supply
The sight of young couples in love
The sight of old couples in love
The promise of someday me being part of a couple in love
For Beethoven's 9th
For Mozart's Requiem
For laughter
For tears
For the emotional excavation that large life course changes bring
For excruciating decisions that lead to great outcomes
A baby's smile
An elder's wisdom
For abundant synchronicities
A daughter who makes my heart swell in pride & my eyes well up in love
A son who is following his passion and has been a great role model for me
Uplifting books
A well mixed vodka martini
The view from my patio
The angels in our path who show us the way
Crosby Stills Nash and Young
Broadway's "Rent"
Singing at the top of my lungs going down the road
Movies that make me laugh
Movies that make me cry
Butterflies
Hummingbirds
Hawks
AHA moments
Lake Michigan
The joy of spending time in my own head
The energy of this place
Each of YOU!
Insights
Heartaches
Heartbreaks
Radiant good health
Meditation
Inspiring words of the Masters
....of Sages
....of Friends
Grilled Salmon
A peaceful heart
Being able to share my thoughts and beliefs with you.
There. I have spotted you 50- you come up with your 50- to make the 100.
There is certainly room in my life for more blessings, more business, more friends. But I believe that if I'm focused on the amazingly long list of blessings that I already have, I pave the way for more to slide on in easily.Written 6/23/14
Rearranging my life..
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Many years ago, my kids figured out that if I was having a 'bad' week, or if there was extra stress and frustration in my life, they'd likely come home to find that the furniture had been rearranged. I jokingly said that I was expressing my dissatisfaction with my life through the creative rearranging of furniture. It became sort of a standing joke... but in hindsight it may well have been more than that.On some level, I recognized that things were not as I wanted them ideally, and while moving furniture wasn't necessarily the most direct route to whatever it was I was missing/seeking, it was something.Fast forward to a few years ago. I was a middle aged divorced man, not dating anyone, interested in eventually being in a healthy, loving, mutually beneficial & respectful relationship. More than that, I knew that there was an amazing woman walking toward me. I had given her the name Gwen, and we 'talked' often, even though I did not know who she was, I knew how she felt, how she made me feel. I knew that I would know, and that each day, we were getting closer.There was a fair amount of self evaluation going on, over these years, and realizations about myself, in some cases surprising, others troubling, floated in on a regular basis.One realization was a belief that I'd lived my life to that point, to a large degree focused on the needs and desires of others. Spouse or significant other, kids, clients, church, volunteer service, with the promise to myself that 'if there was time' or 'if there was energy' when everything else had been handled, everyone else's needs met, I'd focus on what I needed and wanted.But even with kids grown, with no spouse or significant other (in that moment), I never seemed to get around to me.It felt like I'd been living in a small box. Too small for a person of my size, to be sure. I felt like I'd become more uptight, angry and frustrated than I wished to remain.So as I pondered that a bit, I realized that at least figuratively, it was time to let my hair down a bit. Interestingly, at about the time the 'hair down' realization landed, I had an appointment with the magician who does my hair, Ben at SalonRE.As always, as I sat in the chair, Ben asked me what I wanted him to do. Unlike my normal answer of 'just clean it up/tighten it up', I told him the story of feeling like it was time to let my hair down in my life, and asked what better way to support that change than by letting my hair down? So I chose to grow my hair from it's fairly close cropped style to a bit looser, longer, more relaxed.And for a couple of years, we played around with how long is too long, how wild is too wild, how could I walk the line of letting my hair down without looking like a silly old man who was afraid of being his age.During that process, Beth came into my life, turns out she is and was GWEN, the wonderful, beautiful, loving person I knew was walking toward me. We both knew it very quickly (at the time, some said TOO quickly, but when you know, you know).Among the huge number of delightful things I discovered as the relationship with Beth grew, and as we planned and then held our wedding, just 6-months after reconnecting (we'd known each other 40-years earlier), and in the almost 2-years we've been married now, was how amazing it felt to have a beautiful woman who loves me, run her fingers through my hair as we were driving down the road.It wasn't lost on me, that the rearranging of furniture had become the rearranging of the hairs on my head. Expressing the need for an outward change in my life, triggered by the need for an inward change. The need for a change of perspective, or change in thinking, to lead me to the outcome I desired.A few months ago, my life was feeling incredibly out of control. The job I was working was demanding, the pace we were going was unsustainable and there were days that my life felt like I was going 90 mph down the road in a bus. On one side was a bent rim, on the other a soft tire, and the driver was off his meds (acknowledging that as always, I am the person who is driving MY bus). Day by day, my stress built, my realization that it was time for one of the more significant life changes I was likely to complete.As I looked at that, our furniture at home was not in need of movement. So as I sat in Ben's chair and he asked me what I was thinking, I reminded him of the reason I'd grown my hair out...because had been time to let my hair down. I went on to explain that my life was feeling totally out of control, and as I looked at my fairly long hair, it occurred to me that and outward change to a more controlled, cleaner cut on the outside could help me regain a bit more control on the inside.We talked a bit, and because I trust that Ben has a better handle on what would and would not look good with my hair, I asked him a question. I said: "If I walked in the door today, looking like I look, and said I wanted a different look, what would you do?" Not giving him time to answer, I said: "Do that."When Ben and I first met, I told him that I only had two rules when it came to my haircuts. 1st and foremost, I never wanted to walk out of his shop and have people point and laugh and 2nd, I made him promise that given the number of hairs on the top of my head that had decided that life was not worth living, before they exited, that when the day came that it was time to go totally bald on top, or buzzed or whatever, that he should not hesitate to tell me.So it was a leap of faith, somewhat, that I turned my hair over to Ben. And I'm happy to report that so far at least, no one has pointed and laughed, and I'm not rockin' the Kojak.As I'm writing this, I know that there is more to the story than just furniture and hair. (you were hoping that, right?) For me, it's about the changes that are going to come into our lives, whether we are ready or not, whether we realize they are coming, or not, and what we do with them.In the area of leap of faith, I resigned from a Corporate position I'd held for almost 3-years earlier this spring. Now, I still list and sell real estate and likely will continue to. But much of my focus is on my Lifestyle Engineer practice. It is the building of a totally new business, in a field that while I've utilized the skills and knowledge in the other parts of my personal and professional life, for many years, THIS has never been the primary focus until now.It is an interesting place to be. And some of the old 'issues' that have poked their head up over the years are poking up with a bit more insistence that it will not be enough for me to rearrange the furniture, or to rearrange my hair. This time, the pieces of this puzzle are the foundational pieces upon which my new business will be built, and consequentially the modified foundation for the way that Beth and I will very slowly grow old together.So I'm taking time to honor that call, knowing that if I rush past, I'll need to double back and deal with it properly, or worse yet, I'll get knocked off my feet by a Universal 2x4 that will make it necessary for me to heal from the wake-up call before I double back to deal appropriately with what is called for.It appears that the buzz words for the moment are Beth, love, joy, detachment from outcomes, forgiveness, allowing, meditation, music, grace, peace, intention, bourbon and an occasional cigar.I'm committed that rather than stirring up the furniture or getting a wild haircut, this time I will take my time, enjoy the ride, honor my process, love unconditionally, ACCEPT love unconditionally and live as the man I came here to be.Join me? Written June 11, 2014
Transformational Forgiveness
Of all my experiences with forgiveness, there is one that will likely be remain as the one told most often for the remainder of my life. It proved to me, beyond any doubt whatsoever that there is transformational healing power in forgiveness.7 years ago, I was given a forgiveness meditation that was labeled "The Theatre of the Mind". As I read over the process, I liked it. It was simple and straight forward. It did not require anything but my intention and a few minutes where I got very quiet and visualized the process.So that evening, I decided to take this exercise for test drive. I did not have to look far to find a suitable 'subject' for the exercise (focused of course on someone other than myself who I needed to forgive). Despite the fact that over the decades, I'd focused a lot of forgiveness work at my father, I figured just like a kitchen floor, there could be a bit of yellow wax build-up in the corners that this could eliminate.So to the Theatre I went, focused the process on Duane and did the visualizations that were outlined in the instructions. At the end of the process, I added... "I carry with me no scar of any kind from this relationship." I was thinking mental or emotional scars.. not even considering physical scars.I wrapped up the process, and didn't think too much about it. It felt good, felt productive... end of subject. That is, until the next evening I was washing my face, which until that moment had always been a fairly mundane part of my day. But on this night, my forehead felt different. As I washed the soap away I discovered that a scar and bump that had resided on my forehead for about 35 years from a run in with a canoe paddle that had been launched from my father's hands when I was 13 or 14 was gone. 100%, completely vanished from my face. No bump, no scar, nothing.You hear of people having moments when they cannot believe their eyes. This was one of those moments for me. I rubbed the spot, tipped my head at various angles in the light, up close to the mirror, back and forth, not believing that it as even possible that this sort of physical transformation could take place. And then my own words came back to me. "I carry with me no scar of any kind from this relationship." I guess I wasn't kidding when I said that.Since that day, I have listened to and read as much material about forgiveness as I could. I've attended and presented workshops on the subject and have shared various exercises and forgiveness tools whenever an opportunity presents. Because I believe that much of what creates disorder in our lives and in our world is an inability or unwillingness to forgive, ourselves and others.I believe that the lack of forgiveness, of ourselves and others can and does impact our health, our weight, our relationships, our happiness and our world.But I know how one solitary act of forgiveness changed my physical body. I can't even imagine how that same act changed me on deeper levels. I hope and pray that in some way, the telling of that story, the sharing of the ideas and tools I've worked with will help others to complete some of their own forgiveness work. Each person and the world we occupy can be transformed by the process.June 8 2016 Update:I've doubled back to this post today and linked a recording that I created of the Theatre of the Mind Meditation that is referenced above.Please feel free to use it, download it, share it. Please do not listen to it if you are driving or operating any sort of equipment.If you use it, and experience any wonderful outcomes as a result, I'd love to hear from you!Click Here to Visit the Theater of the Mind
The steps that leave your shoes a little smelly
I marvel at how many times, as I’m talking to people, having sessions with Lifestyle Engineer clients, as people ask me for insight or advice, that experiences of my past float in and seem to be 100% on point. Whether my journey that sometimes has involved picking up something smelly on the bottom of my shoes saves anyone else those slippery steps, or whether my stories provide some degree of optional context that proves to be helpful to them as they navigate THEIR path really doesn't matter.For me, it is reassuring that there is potential for my smelly shoe tales to bring insight and value, beyond the insight and value those moments brought to me.In the telling of the stories, I also tell them to myself, because you cannot speak without hearing what you are saying, and that telling is a reminder for me of what I am sharing and the lessons that it brings.I’ve been a big fan of clichés… because many times there is a TON of truth in the simple statements. So the concept of the teacher appearing when the student is ready rings true. That you teach best, what you most need to learn, has slapped me a long side the head on many occasions.So in preparation for my Forgiveness Workshop next month, I’ve been wondering where in my life, I need to extend some forgiveness. Not surprising, as I sat at the base of my favorite tree on Memorial Day, some old faces popped into my head. While attempting to not resist, I have to admit there were a couple that prompted the thought “OH, I thought I was through with you!” to surface. But one-by-one I looked at them, tried to wrap my brain around what was left in each case to get to peaceful detachment, to be done.It’s funny, when you ask, and then get quiet and listen, what can be heard. So it was a reminder that sometimes it’s like peeling an onion. Perhaps one layer must be resolved before you can go to the next. Perhaps the tears generated by one layer must be cried before the next layer is ready to be addressed.What is remarkable is that even with what I believed was a fairly conscious awareness of forgiveness in my life, and a commitment to live in a way (to the degree that I can) where I don’t generate need for giving or receiving forgiveness, there was still a pretty good lineup. Nothing debilitating mind you, nothing that was making me twitch, or cry, or rage… apparently it was content to just run in the background like an antivirus program, until I was ready to take another look.Forgiveness has deep roots with me. And I’ll resist my normal impulse to use disclaimers about how my life has not been any different, more traumatic etc than anyone else’s because I don’t know that, and am ready to stop minimizing the various parts of my life that have shaped me into who I am.What I do know, is that without every person who is or has been a part of my life, without every step that I've taken, smelly or pleasant, I would not be who I am, I would not be where I am. As I look at the who and where of my current life, it's GREAT! So I am grateful to all who have played a part in the process, especially the ones who loved me enough to put me in what I may have believed at the time was a dark, impossible place, those who hurt me deeply, but also those who were always nearby to love, and hold and assure me. You have all played the role we agreed you would play, and for that I am, and will always be grateful. Admittedly, there are a few of you for whom I'm also grateful that you played your part and then exited! :)
The beginning, tales from the journey on The Road to Happyville
Today as I drove to the office, I finished listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer’s most recent book “I Can See Clearly Now!”I’ve been a fan of Dr. Dyer for decades! Sometime in the 70’s, I saw him speak in Bay City Michigan. The pastor of the church I attended at that time was nearly a twin to Dr. Dyer, and was selected to do the introduction. I was so impressed to see him in person, and to hear what he had to say. As I began my listening to this most recent work, I had at several points, thoughts of resistance pop into my head. Critical thoughts about his writing or verbal delivery. So as I’m prone to do, I took some time to consider the basis of those thoughts. Who were they really about? What did they mean? Where were they serving me, if at all? Why were they surfacing? How could I get past them to receive whatever was in the material that would be helpful to me at this time?The realization crept in that my resistance really had nothing to do with Dr. Dyer, or the materials he recorded. It was, as so many things are, an inside job. Me allowing my ego? Doubt? Fear? To keep me from being in the moment, to keep me from granting myself the grace to RECEIVE what is being presented to me.So on that basis, I hit the play button again and heard a totally different book than I would have, if I would have stayed in that resistance burdened mind, or perhaps worse yet, had foolishly made the decision that there was nothing of value to be heard.That thought makes me wonder if I might want to revisit some books and recordings I’ve set aside over the years to see if my own self-imposed limitations have kept me from RECEIVING, DIGESTING and INTEGRATING thoughts and concepts that I may not have been ready for then, but could benefit from now.The theme of the month appears to be ALLOWING! It’s not a new theme, and if I had to guess, it’s come back for another round because in the past, I’ve not excelled in that area. It seems like that could be the way it works. People, thoughts, challenges get presented to give us an opportunity to reach higher, to grow in awareness, perhaps to leave counterproductive behaviors and choices behind. If we get where we want to be/need to be, we move along to whatever is next. If we do not, just like in school, we get to repeat the lesson over and over… with greater consequences for non-completion.As if to make it perfectly clear to me that ALLOWING is the deal right now, I have a set of art cubes that were gifted to me a number of years ago. The friend who created them, placed words, phrases and art work that she knew had specific meaning and connection to me. Each of the six cubes is different, but because she and I had talked extensively about my struggle with ALLOWING…each of the cubes have one face that simply says ALLOW.Each day, I roll the cubes like dice and arrange what I find on my desk. Multiple times in the last week ALLOW was the only word or phrase visible. The other 5 cubes just had images without words. This MIGHT mean something.Even as I write this, I realize that even the act of carving out a block of time to put words to paper, is a step in allowing that I’ve not honored before. My focus and attention are completely on this writing, and that feels a bit foreign, yet really good.So with an awareness of NOW of being in each moment, of ALLOWING myself to not need to direct everything that is going on in the world (while at the same time realizing that the world has turned wonderfully well without my hands on the controls for many centuries), I intend to let go, to allow, to listen and honor what I see, hear and feel.Stay tuned for updates on what I find in my life. I seem to gain some clarity in taking time to write things down, and I hope that in some manner, for anyone who reads what I write, there is something of value for you on the page.